KEEP GOING

WHAT'S IN MY CUP?

2012-01-19T07:31:00.000-08:00

*violins playing softly in background* My coffee maker died. (Wham! Face in the dirt!) Oh, it tried to warn me. It made a valiant effort to spit and spew and take for-freaking-ever to offer up a cup of coffee, while it hissed, "You know I am reeaaally struggling here, lady!" Yesterday, I gave up on it and thought about going out for coffee, but, truth is I prefer my simple home brew. I then thought maybe God was nudging me to give up that last drip of caffeine I have held dear, even after giving up the daily 3rd cup and also the afternoon Diet Mountain Dew(s). This morning, I went through the same routine: wondering what to do about coffee. A new maker? Yes, that seems to be the answer. But I don't want to shop for appliances hours before the sun rises. And I don't know how people wait until they are on their way to work before getting coffee! I am all about having the coffee set to brew *early* in the morning. Oh, yes, just in case I get up a little earlier I need it to be there. I have this co-dependent relationship with my "grumpy cup". (As the first cup is referred to here in this house.)

The purpose of this post is quite simply to gripe loudly about the no coffee issue. Really, that is my position. However, it seems to go along with a theme I have noticed. Have you ever suspected that God is teaching you something by bringing it up again and again, in slightly different ways, sometimes being breezy and gentle, and then sometimes by taking you by the shoulders and giving a little shake...?Well, let me share with you what I am getting out of this theme. I will sum up the message that I think I am hearing from God: "Don't you get it? I am all you need! I am going to keep allowing you to see all of the things you think you need, and each time I am going to bring you to the reality of self-denial. You have to get to a place where you hold everything this world could offer very loosely and without demand - so that you can finally enter into my rest and experience fullness of joy. Because the lesson has nothing to do with coffee, food, health, or whether things make sense. The lesson is about surrender."I don't think God is miffed if I have coffee. I think I can receive His blessings with thanksgiving. The point may be that I have to be okay even when I don't have coffee - or "fill-in-the-blank" for whatever comforts I am prone to demand. Letting go is difficult, but once I do, I know He is my reward.

IT HAS TO BE EXPRESSED

2011-11-11T19:09:00.001-08:00

I have to say it. It seems so cliche. But I can't hold it back. During this month of Thanksgiving, I have to say how thankful I am for our children. So very thankful! I became a mommy at such a young age. I didn't know how blessed I was. Oh, I was happy. Overjoyed! I read the books and followed every shred of advice from the doctor - to perfection. I had a maternity workout. I took the best vitamins. I didn't want to get near someone who had a sniffle or who might have taken an ibuprofin in this lifetime. I even chose natural childbirth. (naive, dumb, young girl that I was). But I wanted the very best for my sweet babies - and at that time I thought no drugs was best. And now that I have done the natural thing? I would wrestle a doctor to the floor and threaten his life for the best drugs money could buy. ;) I never even imagined I could have infertility issues. But knowing what I know now, I realize how blessed I am to have my babies. My baby Daniel was premature.

This was after a threatened miscarriage early on. My sweet Dillon was a "rapid birth", which created quite a bit of stress for him and me. And my precious Sara girl...oh, how they scared me half to death with her! A laundry list of unforeseen issues, including paralysis upon birth, that all faded away after a few hours....

I just have to say, "Thank you, God, for these blessed children in my life!" They bring so much joy. I have wanted more children recently, but as I expressed in my last post - I am at peace with the providence of God. I am struck with gratitude for the arrows in our quiver. I simply do not deserve them. I was too young and naive to understand what precious gifts God was giving me when I had them. But He is so faithful. Wow. Has He ever intended so much good for an undeserving sinner as me?

NON-CRYING SECTION, PLEASE...

2011-11-06T18:47:00.000-08:00

Okay. I have shared with you how God had to work me over to get me to surrender to "wherever You want us to go, God". I mean, this Southern girl likes to be in the South. Aaaannd, this girl also wants to be near her kiddos as they go off to college. Now we are getting to the nitty~gritty of the struggle. Messy. Mmhmmm. But God is faithful and was patient with me while He pried my white-knuckled fingers off the fear that I would be across country from my nearly college aged child. Not only that, but let me point out, that in the Arctic Circle it is not always easy to just get home in a jiffy. I like to be able to get to my family quickly, you know? :)

Here is something else I am really, really, really, REALLY grateful for in this month of Thanksgiving: It occurred to me this week that I have become content and just totally okay with our family just the way it is. If you know me you know that I have obsessed over not only having a baby, but the time frame of when it happens. All my friends have said, "Chill. It will happen when it is supposed to happen. We love you, but FOR THE LOVE, stop being a control freak!!" Yes, I believe they said it just that way. But for several reasons I have had a hard time not stressing to God in which part of the year, month, day, and hour, I need to be able to deliver a healthy child who does not cry a lot and whose poop does not smell bad....Wait. What was I talking about? Oh yeah.

Just this: It occurred to me that, although I would count it a special blessing to hold another precious baby, I am okay if it does not happen. That realization caught me off guard and I smiled about it. I am beyond blessed to have the children that I have. But truthfully, I have gotten used to the freedom of having older, quite self-sufficient kids. I like date nights. I like going places without packing a diaper bag and working around nap times. I like going on stress-free vacations. Selfish? Maybe. But God knows I would give those things up to care for a little bundle of joy. However, since He has not give me one, I won't feel guilty about loving sleeping in on Saturday mornings with my husband. And the little grin that forms on my face when I think about driving a car again one day, instead of a minivan. ;)Just one way of looking at it. I like it because I know that contentment and thankfulness are just as much gifts from God as a baby could be.

"Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world , and it is certain we can carry nothing out."

~ I Timothy 6:6-7

Gratefulness in Hues of Crimson and Gold

2011-11-01T16:16:00.000-07:00

November... A time to formally give thanks. I know we should always be thankful, but I like that we have a time of the year that we think a little harder about it. And I am thankful that this is the month that the turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, and pumpkin pie will be served. YUM! :) I am in a season right now where it is easy for me to give thanks. Sometimes it just isn't as easy. God's blessings are always abundant, but I am not always in the frame of mind to see them and savor them so clearly. But right now I am happy to acknowledge them and experience them as plainly as the leaves as they turn to vivid shades of crimson and gold.

Maybe it is because He has broken me of many selfish demands that I have held. Maybe it is because I came to a point of being willing to go anywhere He leads. Maybe it is because I have come to know that my goals and dreams are best in His hands. It is, of course, all by His grace that I have learned these things. God is relentless in His determination that we will become who we were made to be. He has been faithful to bring us through a heart-breaking season with fresh faith, gratitude, and serenity. Today as I pondered what I am most thankful for right now, my mind just went into a scramble. There are so many good things! But this is the verse that keeps coming to my mind, over and over and over: "Then the Lord said to me, 'You have seen well, for I am watching over my word to perform it'." ~Jeremiah 1:12 As I have prayed lately, this is a recurring verse that comes to me. It is comforting for me to know that He has it all figured out and that not one thing that He wants done will be left undone. I am amazed to see how He works in our lives and brings us to the place where He wants us to be. We truly can rest in Him. Pray fervently, and rest. Oh, and also give thanks! :)

PASS IT ON

2011-10-24T15:20:00.000-07:00

I have some old friends from childhood. We don't see each other often, but when we do visit, it is like no time has passed. We are in tune with each other. We already know each other's history and big life experiences. It is so nice not having to explain anything. We simply love each other - the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have new friends. College, church, kids' ball teams, band, school, etc... We have invested time into knowing each other. We still find ourselves sharing new information, even though we feel like old friends. It is fun to learn some random fact about your friend that you never would have guessed. It is so much fun that I don't even notice the work involved in maintaining these friendships. Maybe it is because it doesn't feel like work; maybe it is because my friends work harder at it than I do. I told one of my very best friends the other day, "Before long we won't even have to speak. We will just know what the other is thinking and that will be that." This was after she picked up the phone to call me, and ended up answering my call before she got my number dialed. Then we finished each others' sentences and laughed each time it happened. The part about them working harder than me.... That thought has been on my mind a lot. My friends have demonstrated for me what a real friend is. I worry sometimes that I am not as thoughtful, as perceptive, or as generous as they are. A few years ago, when I was feeling quite lonely, it occurred to me that maybe I didn't have a lot of friend time because I had not been willing to dig deep into my schedule and make time for it. I wanted it, but could not seem to make room for it. At that point I found ONE friend with which to meet weekly for bible study. My goal was to give about an hour to this. Through this our friendship flourished, and each week we had to make ourselves end after about three hours. I also found ONE other mom with which to pray for our children. We ended up meeting for months, once a week, and even got our kids together to play so we could chat after prayer time. I found my hypothesis to be true. Friendships take time. And good friends are worth it. This brings me back to a point I am trying to make: Friendships require care. Am I giving mine enough? My friends do this so absolutely beautifully that I think I am a late bloomer. People from all ages, stages, and walks of life have blessed me immeasurably. I hope to grow into the kind of friend of which I am so fortunate to have many. I think there are many ways to be a good friend. Number one on my list is this: Love them for who they are. Give them a safe place to share who they are without condemnation. And finally, give them a safe place to share who they are without condemnation. If you are worried that I am saying to let a friend stay stuck in a life of shame, willful sin, and guilt - if that is where they are....no, that is not what I am implying. But provide a safe place for people to start where they are, grow, and be loved in the process. And for crying out loud, accept that they are not a clone of you!hmmm....Maybe I will gather thoughts and bring this topic together a little better later. Right now I am keenly aware that I am again breaking all blogging rules. Rambling, post too long, etc. *sigh* I am also aware that my kids want dinner and a taxi driver. They need my time, too. :D

A TIME FOR CHANGE

2011-10-19T08:00:00.000-07:00

It has been a busy year. I would love to get back to writing on this blog. I think I will. Just to get me started, will you let me ramble around a bit and catch up?

I finished up school in May with an elementary teaching degree. It has been a challenge to do this while bringing up children, but I am thankful for the opportunity. Our family learned so much together through it and the kids were able to appreciate the value and satisfaction of the occasion.

Let me be transparent here...because I have learned that it is just too exhausting to try to be any other way. ;) Two of the things that have been on the forefront of our minds over the past couple of years are: me getting done (FINALLY) with school so that I could move on to actually getting a salary for teaching every day, rather than paying them to let me work for free! ...AND... We wished to expand the size of our family.

In May I graduated in a time of recession. Education jobs in our county were slashed considerably. I mean that there just weren't any jobs available for new teachers. I wish I could tell you that I took this news with ease. But, no. I stressed over it. Unemployment did NOT fit in with my plans.

In July we found that I was pregnant. After several failed pregnancies, this time things looked great and we were thrilled, to say the least. Then I began to have some pain that I would have ignored, if not for the fact that I am already considered *high risk* at any point I become pregnant. So I checked with my doctor. My sweet church family called a special prayer service to pray for us, as we assumed we may be looking at an ectopic pregnancy. I wish I could tell you that I took this news with faith and contentment in whatever might be in God's sovereign plan. But, no.

I was supposed to have left the next morning to spend a girls' weekend at the beach. But instead I had to go to the doctor's for another ultrasound. Shortly after, I experienced excruciating pain and fainted in the nurse's office. By the grace of God, I was there and not on the road to the beach. Unbeknownst to me, while I was enjoying the state of utter unconsciousness, my poor husband was called to be told I may not survive. You can imagine my surprise upon awakening that my whole family and church family were praising God that I was alive. Because of all of this praise, though, my spirit was encouraged and I did not even grieve for days.

But then.... it all hit me at once: No job and no baby. I went DOWN. I stayed down emotionally, spiritually, and physically for about a month. It was such a struggle. My poor family! But they were SO loving and faithful. And so was my God.

God brought us through that to a place of comfort and peace in Him. He let me see how much He loves me and how He has blessed me in more ways than I can count. He sweetened our family life anew and reminded me of just how wonderful and beautiful the love is that He has poured out, how much He has protected us and provided for us.

I am now substitute teaching. I enjoy it. For this time I am enjoying the option of taking a day off now and then (like today!). I am thankful for the extra time I have had with the kids. They make my heart happy. I have been able to be more available for their needs.

Mark was just called to be Associate Pastor at another church. We are quite humbled and happy to be asked to join with them. We are excited to see what God has planned. Of course, we will miss our current church family. I have never felt more at home and loved than I have in the past couple of years that we have been a part of this congregation. But our friends are so very supportive and we know that we will still get to fellowship with them because we will not have to move. The new church is close by.

This is a BIG answer to prayer. We have thought several times lately that we would have to move out of state. It has been difficult as we have worked through these logistical issues and emotions. But no kidding, as soon as God got me to a point of surrender and willingness to go wherever He leads, He began to open up doors right here. :)

Okay, I could go on, but I know I am breaking every last blogging etiquette rule by rambling, being long-winded, and failing to use my best writing style. But when I come to the blog, I feel like it is mostly therapeutic for me to write it like I think it. I do, however, hope to be an encouragement through this humble medium...so I will just say for now: Shalom.

Hello?

2011-10-09T18:25:00.000-07:00

Hmmm. It looks a little...dusty around here. Hello? Anybody home?? It appears I haven't visited here in about a year. So much has happened in a year! I have written A LOT, but just not here on the ol' blog. I think I would like to pick it up again. I'll be back, friends. ...but first, I need to break out the Swiffers. :)

OUT OF THE RUBBLE....

2010-12-19T19:19:00.000-08:00

I know, it has been while. You know I've been busy because I just looooove to blog, but there has been NO time for that. I knew going into this past semester that I was in for a doozy. It was my biggest one yet, but I just had to do it. This has dragged out long enough, thank you very much.

I planned to get my classes finished up this semester so I could do internship in the spring. It looks like I might have made it. So far I have A's in five classes and I'm waiting on the verdict on one more (different college, different time scale). In a final conference with my professors, they kindly and graciously told me that despite difficult circumstances I had earned all my grades and none had been given to me. It felt really good to hear their kind "atta girls". It really, really did. But on the way to turn in my lab notebook that morning I had prayed, "God, one more time please help me to just. get. it. all. done. I will give YOU all the glory." So as they were saying this to me, and I was instantly tempted to swell with pride, I smiled to God and said, "Oh yeah. ALL glory to You, my kind Lord." :-)

Well, I won't go into all the boring details of the aforementioned "difficult circumstances". No wait. Remember who is writing this. You know know me better than that! Let's just begin with this irony: On the first day of school I was rear-ended in traffic, which resulted in a banged up minivan and a sore neck. On the last day of school I fell flat on my back on some frozen cobblestones, which resulted in ripped pants and a bruised up boot~ay.

In between those two less-than-stellar events, I had a day in court to handle a minor, yet stressful issue. We rejoiced in another pregnancy; we mourned another miscarriage. I cursed the vending machine in the Education Department; I bought bigger pants. My sweet girl fell from a tree and broke her arm *badly*, requiring surgery. My Mom and Step Dad both had surgeries. Add to this the common, everyday things like:
~ never sleeping more than three hours a night,
~ realizing I have misplaced hours of work on a jump drive just before it is due, and the endless questions like:

"WHY does my printer HATE MY GUTS?", and
"Are we SERIOUSLY out of staples?", and
"Do you REALLY need me to drive you to school at 7:00 AM AGAIN?, and
"WHY did you wait until this time of night to tell me you need supplies for school?", and
"Is that happening THIS weekend?!",
and on and on and on....

I could elaborate more on this if you want me to. No? Okay, then. ;)

There were many more blessings than hardships, however. We have had the priviledge of becoming very involved in our church and have developed some truly wonderful friendships. The kids have had some exciting things going on in their lives - achievements for which I am so proud. I have watched them grow exponentially over the past few months. Growth through hardships has been a theme for me, but I cherish the lessons learned. I have also gained some really great friendships with classmates and I feel blessed in that.

~sigh~

I just need to catch up: catch my breath, catch up on sleep, catch up on quiet times, catch up on leisure time with family and friends, catch a movie, catch a plane....not sure about the plane yet. But just catch up with the most precious things. I plan to do that over the next couple of weeks, Lord willing. For now, let me just say, thanks for allowing me to share with you, my dear friends and family, who simply love me for me. :) :) :)

SHALOM to you all!

ONE OF MY FAVORITE SUBJECTS :)

2010-09-12T18:16:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I am a broken record talking about Moms In Touch. I love it...

I am supposed to be doing a sort of "blog-through" of the book, Voices of the True Woman Movement: A Call to the Counter-Revolution, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I volunteered to do it, because I love Nancy Leigh DeMoss, so Revive Our Hearts was generous enough to send me the book free of charge...

Weeeelllllll, I'm taking 19 hours in school, in addition to being wife, mother, zoo-keeper (2 dogs, 1 hermit crab, and 1 fish)...

I also love to use ellipses because I am generally too lazy to...

;-D

Anyway, there is a chapter in the book written by Fern Nichols (founder of Moms In Touch International).

In chapter eight, Fern talks about a basic format of prayer which includes four distinct parts:

1. "Prayers of Praise"

Not only does He deserve our praise, but it benefits us to praise Him. It puts us in a better position to hear and trust Him. It is helpful to focus on one attribute of God at a time. We get to know God so much better when we are purposeful about meditating on a verse or two that demonstrates a specific attribute, and then taking it with us throughout the day.

2. "Prayers of Confession"

When we are born again by the Spirit of God, we all have access to Him. We can go freely and boldly to the Throne of Grace for every need. When He sees us He sees the righteousness of His own Son, therefore we do not fear condemnation. No matter what sins we have committed, we are accepted by Him and through Him. So our place in the family is secure.

The reason we need to confess our sins to Him is that, even though we are still His child, unconfessed and unrepentant sin hurts our relationship with Him. Additionally, the fear, guilt, and destructive emotions that we hold onto because of our sin keep us from surrendering ourselves to Him. I don't know about you, but if I don't set aside a time of personal confession before I move into intercession for others, then my mind will keep wandering back to my own junk!

3. "Prayers of Thanksgiving"

"A thankful heart leads to a gracious and joyful spirit, while an ungrateful heart leads to depression, fear, discouragement, and self-pity -- none of the things that cause us to voice prayers that are "powerful and effective".(p 149)

4. "Prayers of Intercession"

This is where we lift up others to the Lord. We pray on their behalf. Intercession is sometimes tough prayer. We don't always know what to pray for God to do. But we can always pray His will. Looking at examples in scripture help a lot. Even if there does not seem to be a scripture that fits the situation perfectly, we can look to see what God's character is like. We can even say, "God, I don't even know what to ask."

Thanks for letting me talk about Moms In Touch again. :)

To find a group near you, go to www.momsintouch.org.

His Compassion is Not Wimpy Pity

2010-08-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

Our ladies group just finished the Believing God Bible Study by Beth Moore. It ministered to me very much. I wish I could put into words some of the heart and soul ruminations...but maybe they are too personal right now. The big take-away that I have from this period of study is that God has, in this year, in far too may non-subtle ways, shown me that he has brought me to a "rock of remembrance" place in my life. No matter what I think others might think of me, no matter how deep he has had to go to heal wounds, no matter how far I have fallen, and no matter how broken I have been, that he has orchestrated my healing and restoration.

A few months ago, I pulled out all my old prayer journals...and I ripped them up. I knew that God wanted me to be so done with some of my old hang-ups that I even felt that to pray about them would be against his will for me:

To STOP praying that people who have rejected me would accept me. To STOP asking him to forgive me for things that he has already forgiven. To STOP believing that if I could just do something more....I might be loved.

To STOP "argueing with Pharisees". (Beth Moore)

To rest.

To trust him.

To put my fingers in my ears, to refuse to listen to the insults, to trust him alone.

To refuse to live simply because I am too much a coward to die, but instead to truly live and be swallowed by his grace, and have him pour through me what I desperately need......

I pulled out a notebook this morning to begin journaling. As I opened it I discovered that I had missed a journal when I threw all the others away. I was startled to see that during a time I was struggling with all that was within me to live a life pleasing to God, but failing again...and again...

December 7, 2004

"My spirit is restless...I am always aware...Will I ever be at peace?...I struggle...I could not have imagined...I can't believe...have I outsinned grace..I must have joy in you...Please help me...Please help me...I need you..."

~ I pulled out a few phrases. Get the idea of the tone?

...startled to see that - even though God hates our sin and will not be in perfect relationship with us when we are willfulling living a life of sin - I am amazed at how he has compassion on us even while we are being churned as a storm at sea - even when our churning is a result of our own chastisement. As I read the few entries that I wrote back in 2004, remembering the spiritual emptiness and hopelessness I was going through, I realized that there weren't any prayers I prayed then that he has not answered.

He is faithful when we are not, and his compassion is far beyond the wimpy pity we are capable to feel. He forgives those whom we believe should rot in hell. He brings love and life to hearts that are cold and dead. He can provide a solution of which we never knew to ask. He rushes our hearts with passion and zeal when we thought it was gone forever.

It is OUR Duty...

2010-07-31T20:01:00.000-07:00

It is OUR privilege...

We do not need to wait until our government or our schools lead in prayer! As Christian individuals and as church groups WE are the ones called to prayer. What an opportunity we have!

I read this and liked it:

"Am I the only one who gets embarrassed when religious leaders in America talk about having prayer in public schools? We don't have even that much prayer in many churches! Out of humility, you would think we would keep quiet on that particular subject until we practice what we preach in our own congregations." (p 72)

"The apostles had this insinct: When in trouble, pray. When intimidated, pray. When challenged, pray. When persecuted, pray." (p 73)

Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire ~ Jim Cymbala, pastor of Brooklyn Tabernacle

SPEAKING BETWEEN THE LINES

2010-07-05T11:48:00.000-07:00

In our family we like to try out different words and we will occasionally wear one out because we just like it. For example, our minivan is the "ubiquitous", "ambiguous" family vehicle because everywhere you might look, you will see the same style and color. We could just say it is a "boring" old minivan, but it is more fun to use a word like "ubiquitous", right? Besides, if we are ever to convince the eldest child that he would like to make his first car a minivan, we will try not to use the word "boring", because Mama wants a sports car, okay?

In a perfect world words would all have only denotative meaning. We could take everything literally. That would be easier than trying to sift through foggy connotations, judge motives of a speaker, or read body language. Oh sure, it would take some fun out of language arts, but relationships might suffer less often.

Sitting at the breakfast table, while on our vacation at the beach last week, Mark quietly mentioned to me that, "the boys informed me that you told them never to call a girl 'hot', but rather to say she is 'pretty'...." I said, "Yes, I did."

Does it really matter? Either one is intended to compliment a person. I know that in our culture "hot" means "pretty". But the reason I think it carries a derogative connotation is that it seems to also point out the sex appeal of a person. So? I know, maybe it seems picky. But I point this out to my children so they will think about the difference in things such as "lust" and "love", and furthermore, to save their "lusts" for no one less than the love of their lives - future spouses.

I guess when I hear one say that a person is hot, I think:
1)one has carefully checked this person over to make the judgment,
2)the "checker" somehow thinks that the "checkee" is subject to their approval, and finally,
3)the observant one has invited others to critique the body of the observed, and that this is not fair to the observed.

We teach our teenage boys something like this... God made you so that you will be attracted to beauty. There is nothing wrong with thinking that a girl is pretty or to be attracted to her. It is just plain normal. But do not focus only on outward beauty. And to remain pure you must make a conscious decision to value her and protect her from lusts that threaten to demean the worth of her purity or your own. You are not doing this to deny yourself pleasure. You are doing this to postpone this type of pleasure for a time. You are doing this so that you may enjoy sexuality to its fullest potential, in the right time, with the right person.

One way to discipline your thinking is to make a conscious decision not to talk about the sex appeal, or "hotness" of a female's body. Focus on her value in God's eyes. Appreciate her beauty. Commend her grace and talents. Do not disgrace her by calling attention to her body.

"But it is okay that I think my wife is hot?" "Yes, your wife is thrilled that you think she is hot..." And about this time three young people at the breakfast table almost lost their Fruit Loops.

Grown-ups. Can't do anything with them. ;)

I want to make it clear that I know God can and does take broken, messed up lives and make them new for His glory. Those of us who have crashed and burned in the area of sexual purity are able, because of His mercy, to be restored and cleansed. But how much better it would be if our young people actually honored Him from the beginning! How much pain could they avoid if they just followed the Lord's loving ways? No matter how thankful I am that I have been renewed and restored in miraculous ways in this area, I want my children to receive the special blessings that are only for those who are surrendered to His plans and honor them.

"WIMPY THEOLOGY MAKES WIMPY WOMEN"

2010-06-16T07:33:00.000-07:00

Chapter 2, Voices of the True Woman Movement

In the Bible, we learn that as women we are supposed to have a "quiet and gentle spirit".* We are told to submit to our husbands.* In isolation these scriptures can look a little scary. It appears we might have to deny our thinking-selves and throw away our good ideas. But John Piper explains in this chapter that following biblical teachings does not make us wimpy women. Our culture tells us that to be quiet and gentle is to become a doormat. We often believe that to be submissive to our husbands is to be a slave.

One of the reasons I believe that we often have a tough time with scriptures regarding gender specifics, is that both men and women struggle with our roles. Therefore, when men think that being a man is to be macho, and women think that being a woman is simply to rise up and prove our own strength and dignity, then we have a power struggle that robs us all of our true selves.

Many women do not care what the scriptures have to say. They may not have a conscious desire to go against God's plan, but they are simply not drawn to it by personal conviction through the Holy Spirit. However, a great number of ladies do have an interest in what the Bible says, pertaining to our conduct, our purpose, and our worth. It is to those of us who are convinced that God's way is the way we should go, but who struggle with giving ourselves to it, that I am writing this post. Although from the very beginning, rebellion has been the underlying reason we refuse to do what we know we should do, there are some undeniable real hurdles women face in becoming a true woman.

One of the most popular arguments women deal with, is the issue of submission to husbands. There are undeniable strong and negative emotions associated with this. Without a firm understanding of the real meaning of teaching on submission, we can certainly understand why. For example, a woman who has been abused by a man will be afraid to submit herself to him. She will likely be full of fear and anger. The thought of "bowing" to such a creature will be anything but desirable. While she needs to find herself willing to follow God, she may benefit from loving, biblical counsel to help her find the way to do that, even while removing herself from the abuse. She needs to know that God esteems her and that receiving abuse is not a part of being submissive. A woman in this situation needs to find love and comfort from her church family. Jesus is an advocate for women. He never intended for us to be abused. Despite her husband's sin, she can still be a true woman.

Additionally, when men are passive where they should be taking a stand - or even worse, when a man is passive-aggressive toward his wife - it makes it difficult for a woman to follow his lead, or lack thereof. In this situation, we must be extra patient. God is able to lovingly guide a wife, regardless of her husband's negligence. As friends and mentors of such a woman, we may be wise to encourage her to remain faithful and patient. We need to be understanding that this is a difficult situation. However, it is not one in which a woman is incapable, with God's help, to be a true woman.

There are many more reasons that a woman might fear the biblical model of womanhood. But they all come down to a misunderstanding of the heart of these passages. We don't realize that a quiet and gentle spirit is not equal to a passive and timid spirit. We fail to recognize the strength it takes to to be a true woman. It takes God's strength. He is able to bring forth our talents and beauty in ways we never dreamed. We become purposeful and useful in His hands.

"Wimpy theology makes wimpy women. That's my assumption that I bring to this chapter. Wimpy theology simply does not give a woman a God that is big enough, strong enough, wise enough, and good enough to handle the realities of life in a way that magnifies the infinite worth of Jesus Christ. Wimpy theology is plagued by woman-centeredness and man-centeredness. Wimpy theology doesn't have the granite foundation of God's sovereignty or the solid steel structure of a great God-centered purpose for all things."

(p 19) John Piper

*I Peter 3:1-4

"Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward - arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel - rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

VOICES OF THE TRUE WOMAN MOVEMENT:

2010-06-07T10:39:00.000-07:00

A Call to the Counter-Revolution

A study by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Contributors: John Piper, Mary Kassain, Joni Eareckson Tada, Janet Parshall

My thoughts as I study...

Introduction

Nancy speaks of the overwhelming number of voices in our world that are screaming for our attention. What does it mean to be a woman? A Christian woman? A wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend? We receive hints at what a great many in our society think that it means when we scan the magazines as we check our groceries. Turn on the TV. What do we see there? What are the female subjects doing in the fiction books we read for entertainment? They aren't real, but somewhere there is a fantasy about who we wish we were. Obviously, some are good examples for us and some aren't.

How are our role models getting our attention? Do we like how they dress? How they walk? Who they marry? What impresses us? Even our past has something to say to us as we do our best to maneuver through the suggestions. Painful memories of poor choices, or even unsolicited inflictions try to tell us we are not worthy of the best life. Contrarily, past successes might tempt us to think we could never fall when we flirt with disaster.

The purpose of this powerful movement - The True Woman Movement - is to urge us as women to demand truth as the only standard for our lives. We will know who we are in Christ. We will know that we are valuable to him. We will know how to be wise. We will, with great force and certainty, refuse to live in shame, make choices out of fear, and we will celebrate womanhood.

Over the weekend I had a conversation with my little girl. She is beginning to wonder who she is, and she is asking herself what it will mean to become a young woman. She approached me with a particular pop culture/ celebrity magazine which had been given to her. She asked if I would buy more of these magazines, to which I replied "no". I must admit I was flushed with anger as I looked at it. I tried to explain my reason to her without letting my anger become sinful.

"Sara, I try to teach you to be a young lady. It makes no sense to me then, that I would hand you this garbage and tell you to read it and allow it to influence you - in ways so invertly different than what I require of you." She told me that she did not think it would cause her to act in inappropriate ways. I then explained to her that a person will always be influenced by what they choose to read and by those they set up as role models. "You see, Sara, I don't expect you to be in love with revealing clothing, or for you to degrade yourself with boys who would trash your purity, or to be taken up with the shallow nothingness of the Hollywood lifestyle. Therefore, I do not give this to you for entertainment. We are purposeful in this." She hugged me and I knew that she understood. But her heart was not won.

The next day she was still struggling with my seeming strictness. I knew, because I was a little girl one time who fought with my mother on these same issues, that she believed I was going overboard. I began to try to explain, "I don't get all upset when Hollywood sweethearts fail to be good role models, because I will never set them up to be your role models. They are precious people, who are worth so much more than for what they sell themselves. We say we value beautiful women who love their husbands, nurture their babies, feed the hungry and many more good things. Why don't I give you a magazine like that? We can say that we value those things, but when we spend our time worrying about how much attention we can bring to ourselves with the latest flimsy fashions, what kind of boyfriend we can have, etc., we show that we are lying to ourselves."

Finally, in my desperation to help Sara see what I meant by all of this, I said, "You are my beautiful baby girl. You were made for more than this (pointing to the magazine). You are sweet and nurturing. You love God. He loves you. I will not sit idly when I see the ravenous culture telling you that you should be showing your body and begging for negative attention. I will protect you and pray you will know the truth about yourself and just how precious you are. I am glad you take care of yourself and want to look your best. I do not think you need to look frumpy. But I want you to know that you are far too precious than to give yourself up to the lies of a world which uses it's women and discards them as waste. You are more than that, my dear, valuable daughter."

As I remark on this study, I want to make it clear that I am a woman who has struggled with my own identity. I have struggled in the area of purity. I have failed as a wife, mother, sister, daughter, and friend. I have not lived up to my calling. There has been pain as I have tried to recover from my own sinful choices. I have made choices out of fear, selfishness, and insecurity. I have hurt over things done to me. But I do not live in shame. I know that I am forgiven in Christ and that he esteems me in ways beyond my belief. I rejoice in his love. I am happy that he brings beauty from ashes. I can still be a loving, faithful, fruitful wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend because he is the Great Redeemer. So I want to tell you, reader, that if you have blown it bad, there is so much hope for you.

"Do not let your adornment be merely outward - arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel - rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

~I Peter 3:3-4

"God-Actualization"

2010-05-23T12:55:00.000-07:00

Well, this time last week I was sad and physically very weak. I didn't really know what to expect of myself. I expressed in my last post that we were disappointed that this pregnancy ended just about the time we were settling in to the reality that I was pregnant in the first place. But to my surprise I had a very peaceful week. God has taken this time to show His love to us in a tender way, through the love and encouragement of our family and friends.

I have gotten stronger every day. It was difficult to drag myself to class all week, but thankfully I was able to do it since the May term is not one to lend a break. We received many phone calls, notes, and emails from friends who were praying for us. I can tell you that this past week was one of the most peaceful I have had in a while, despite the loss. It seems weird, but I know that God honored prayers of the faithful and I felt it. In our Sunday School class we have been talking a lot about what it really looks like to give ourselves to the edification of saints, to use our gifts and talents, to find "God-actualization"** in our lives, and why we need this.

I have a wonderful family and a handful of close friends - the kind that have been there my whole life it seems, and though our lives have taken us in different directions we could pick up the phone and talk as if no time has lapsed since high school. But for a season in my adulthood I did not have a community of friends with whom I shared life. I was married with children and I loved that. I worked and went to school. My life was full and busy. But I missed having a community. I felt so silly. I could not believe I felt such a need for others. Why?! My husband was (and is) my very best friend. My children kept me busy and I enjoyed them (still do). I was just plain mad at myself for being so needy and weak.

Mark and I both shared in our Bible study this morning, how much God has used the Body of believers in our church to lift us up to Him, to provide a place for us to have some miraculous soul healing administered, and furthermore, how we enjoy the fellowship. As I just mentioned, I thought I was wrong to feel a little lost without friends. But we were not able to heal spiritually, or feel God's love and forgiveness until we were placed in His "intensive care unit". We knew scripture. We knew that if it said we were forgiven that we were. We knew that everything it says about God's character is true. But we didn't FEEL it until it was lived out through others. Now I know that I was wired to be connected and that it is not a weakness to lean on others, or to have them lean on me. It is simply how my Father wired me.

Additionally, it is most important that our fellowship is based on truth. To be of eternal value our friendships and even our good works must rest on Christ. Otherwise, why would we forgive, esteem others above ourselves, or even be faithful meeting together? We do not do it simply to be good; we do it as He has taught us to do. As Mark put it, bluntly, without Christ we could be just a group of people who like hanging out together - going straight to hell.

Of course, every relationship we have in this life will not be a lasting, eternal one. I have family and friends who are not believers, who are wonderful people and who do good things. I don't shun those who do not yet believe that they need Christ. I pray that they will repent and believe, because I so badly want them to have an eternal hope and salvation. But as for our brothers and sisters in the faith, we have a bond that is beautiful and we need each other to live out the love of Christ.

Shalom,

**I reference theorist Abraham Maslow's "Hierarchy of Needs" in conversation from time to time, but to assure Mark that although my inner psychologist appreciates Maslow's work, I do not agree fully with his humanistic beliefs, and therefore I use the term "God-actualization", rather than Maslow's term "self-actualization". ;)

Dear family and friends,

2010-05-16T12:39:00.000-07:00

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."
~ Romans 12:15

Our family is so blessed to have biological family, church family, and friends with whom we can share our lives: the good, the bad, and the ugly. When we have good news or bad, we are reminded just how good it is to be a part of a loving community. We have shared with you how we desire to add a baby to our family. We have felt comfortable to share with you all the journey we are on, and last week we made the decision to share our joyous news with you: after a year of hoping, we were expecting! Our friends and family rejoiced with us. We felt so blessed. We still feel blessed, even though you are now weeping with us that the pregnancy did not continue as hoped. For anyone who may not know, I have miscarried.

One of the things we are striving for in our church family, is to share "real" life together. We want to take off the masks and really encourage each other in the faith. So when Mark and I were so excited over the news last week, we decided we would go ahead and share it, despite the fact that I was not very far along. We knew the risk, but we took it anyway. We are glad we did, because God has shown His love to us, once again, through all of you. Thank you.

We are disappointed over this loss. We believe that even the smallest and incomplete beginnings of human life are precious and that there is a purpose for each one. In a strange way, despite the loss, I feel blessed that something miraculous was going on inside me over the last few weeks. Is that weird, or what? But I have three children. Knowing that each one of these children began as a few cells dividing endears my heart toward that wonderful creation that I would not have even recognized. It is still precious to me. So this is where I am - disappointed and at the same time, experiencing peace and feeling blessed. And if you don't mind my saying so, my dear husband and I will enjoy continuing to try to have another baby. ;-)

Shalom.

Over my dead body, witch.

2010-05-10T08:30:00.000-07:00

I watched The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe again last night. It is one of our very favorite movies. I always cry when Aslan is walking toward his death. I always snub when he comes back to life. My favorite line is when he tells Lucy and Susan, "You might want to cover your ears", just before he lets out a glorious roar. The allegory is rich with parallel meaning to the death and resurrection of Jesus.

Last night I was moved by a different part of the movie. After Edmond had done business in private with Aslan (following his entrapment by the witch due to a foolish quest to advance himself at the price of his siblings), he was returned to his siblings. It was a beautiful sight to me, seeing him talking with Aslan - not hiding. Peter, Susan, and Lucy forgave him and were so relieved to have him back, spared from the torture he was sure to get if left to his own consequences. I had already empathized with his plight earlier, his anguish of heart, knowing that his own traitorship had set the vicious wolves on the hunt for his siblings. He just couldn't get enough of himself, and although he had begun to sober up and feel remorse for hurting them, fear drove him to keep on giving them up for the slaughter so he could be spared. He just couldn't see it, though - he was trapped no matter what he did.

But getting back to the point where he was returned, there was relief that his transgressions had been dealt with by Aslan, and that he had been returned safely to Peter, Susan, and Lucy. He was weak and tired. He could not offer a lot of comfort or help to them. He was pretty worthless, other than being forgiven. But because he knew firsthand just how evil the witch was, having been held hopelessly in her icy, torturous grip, he was suddenly moved by compassion for the creatures of Narnia. He wanted, in a brand new way, to fight evil with all he had. He was not willing to leave Narnia and abandon a battle to free Narnia and destroy the witch's power - the battle his siblings had already begun to face. Just when they were wondering whether to keep on going, he was returned to strengthen their resolve. He would need to be serious about training for a battle he was in no shape to enter.

But the witch was not willing to give him up, and while he was still weak and vulnerable she came to accuse him before Aslan and reclaim him. I noticed how fearful Edmond became when she came to reclaim him. He knew he had been forgiven, but he was afraid of her power, and still ashamed of his own actions. He could not yet grasp the reality of what Aslan was about to do for him. At first, he thought he had simply been released. He thought pardon was cheap. But Aslan knew that blood was required, and what he was about to do to pay it on Edmond's behalf. I thought about how that has felt in my own life.

In my past, when Satan has come to accuse me of my former evil deeds, even after Christ had forgiven me, I trembled. I would become paralyzed by fear. The shame would not let go. I would not believe that the sacrifice of my Lord was sufficient. Additionally, no other accusing voice was louder than the voices of other Christians who did not have a heart of forgiveness. Their sneers and curses were most unbearable. Satan knows what will strike fear in us and he will choose the weapon most likely to do damage. I would get bogged down in the quest to have their favor, despite the fact that my Lord was intent on teaching me that His redemption trumps even the loudest hatred and that He would have His way.

In the movie, my heart was warmed, just seeing how Edmond was received by his siblings. Yes, just a movie, I know. But there are places in Christ's kingdom where love and grace remain - and praise God, scenes like that fictitious one plays out in real life. I have also experienced the latter scene, thanks to the love of God in hearts of His people, bent on love. Christ's grace is greater than ANY sin. His forgiveness is sincere. His love is effective, and if He is bent on loving you, then forget all about continuing in defeat. You WILL have victory.

LICORICE-INDUCED PONDERINGS

2010-04-15T08:30:00.000-07:00

I am munching on licorice candy as I put away some groceries. Daniel walks into the kitchen, apologizes for the sandwich-making-process remnants on the counter and completely ignores the candy bag. Dillon walks in, sees the candy bag, goes for it and then says, "OH YUCK! Why would you eat that stuff?" Sara asks for a piece and once she tastes it she shivers, makes a face, and wonders what is wrong with me because I like it.....

I remember going grocery shopping as a kid with my parents and for some strange reason we seemed to always get licorice as sort of a "putting away the groceries" treat. It is funny how those little things stick with you. It is also funny how, after eating the licorice, I realize I actually don't like it now - although I have eaten it many times. I never see licorice without thinking of those times, of sharing a bag of licorice with my brother in the back seat on the way home from the store.

Last weekend Mark and I went to his little hometown in Michigan. We were there to honor his father in a graveside memorial service. Within that service, Mark also paid a tribute to his mom, who has been with the Lord for several years already, by wearing a yellow tie - her favorite color. Although I had been in Spring Arbor once before, this time I met many people from Mark's childhood days there. There were elementary school teachers, college professors, pastors, long time family friends, and of course, family. Many of the people who had the biggest parts in shaping Mark in his formative years stood around to mourn together, to laugh together, to tell stories, sing songs, share encouragements, and just to be there.

I loved seeing these people I have heard about. I felt grateful to them because I knew they had given my husband a strong foundation of support. As Mark would tell anyone, he has fallen short of the example his dad lived in some ways. However, that rock of support has been an anchor, pointing him back to God, and holding him to the standard of what it is to be a man. He has not always lived up to his own full potential, of which is the criteria for success, as his wise mentors might say. But he is who he is by the grace of God, standing on Christ's merit alone, desiring to honor God. The great mentors Mark has looked up to all his life validated him and encouraged him to keep pressing on, to be an instrument useful to God.

Our lives are transient here. As always, the loss of a loved one brings that reality to us vividly. Going back into the memories of our childhoods, sometimes it seems like a long, long time ago. But then we step back and look and realize just how short of a time we have here. It also makes me think about the importance of the little things we contribute into the lives of those around us - especially our children. We can see the ways that so many little things have been woven into our lives by our family and mentors. I want those little things that I contribute to be good things.

This morning I got into a tizzy because one of my children missed the bus. I had to get to class. I have lots of things to do. The kids have lots of things going on. We are all tired here at the end of a school semester. I was getting snappy. After all, even though in the whole eternal scheme of things it won't matter much, it is important while we are on this earth to get to class on time, to do our best work, and such. But of lasting importance are the WORDS I sow into my children's lives and the WAYS I teach (by example and with encouragement - not condemnation) that will be in my thoughts as I take my last breath.

So, as I caught myself in my folly of nagging and scolding, and began to commend my child for all that he had done well, and as I reminded him that I am trying to teach a life skill for his benefit, not for his hurt, I saw him relax. I hope and pray that those will be the kinds of encouraging things my children take with them when they leave my nest. In addition to the licorice, of course. There is still time for me to convince them of its value, as somehow my parents were able to do with me.

DOG FOUND

2010-04-06T14:19:00.000-07:00

As we were leaving for the bus stop this morning, Sara said, "There is a puppy in the garage." I told her I thought she was mistaken, but she insisted that she saw one in a pile of shoes. "Okay, I'll check when I get home..." I looked and found nothing, then Daniel and I took off for the bus, and I went to school. When I met Sara after school she asked if I had found the puppy. I told her that she just thought she saw a puppy. So she walked into the garage and said, "Here is the puppy!" And whatta ya know? There he was huddled up in a corner, scared half to death. After she coaxed him out and gave him food and water, he began to play. Now he is running around with all the kids, who are getting more and more attached by the minute. *sigh* I have been out putting "Dog Found" signs in the neighborhood. So will the real owner of Doggie Lost please stand up?? We already have two dogs, and no matter how cute this one is, we are in NO need of another.

IT IS PANDEMONIUM IN THERE

2010-03-25T13:02:00.000-07:00

Do you ever just really want to sit down and write, but you can't corral the thoughts that are zipping around in every direction? Sometimes I can get mine going in a single direction if I reflect and write for a length of time. However, that length of time is not a commodity at the moment.

Bullets are a nice safety net for times such as these. I'm not sold on that idea yet, though. Categories? There would be too many I think. Good list, Bad list?

Okay, pandemonium it is!

I am taking more hours this semester (trying to get done!), which is stretching me a little. It is a good kind of stretching, though. I love my classes, love what I get to do each day, I have great professors and awesome friends who bring a lot of laughs along the way. Knowing that I am where God wants me to be in this season is great. The kids are growing, learning, and progressing in their studies, as well. I am most pleased. Never mind the perpetual guilt trips about the agonizing decisions over whether I am hovering too close or not assisting them enough, and the fact that there has to be a happy medium between the polar opposites of: every assignment, endeavor and maturity point of each of my children is my identity and the reason I live and breathe, on over to the other extreme, "Sink or swim, kids." I pray I meet it in the middle at least most of the time. Additionally, I do get a little overwhelmed when a lot of big assignments are becoming due...

We are so blessed with our church. Growing up in the Lord in the midst of a loving community is, well, just a gracious gift. We are going through a small group study right now which is stretching me a little, once again, but totally worth it...

Something that would have definitely made the bad list is that my father-in-law died last weekend. My precious husband is, of course, grieving this loss. Our trip to Disney World in November was primarily a trip planned to visit with "Dad", and it was to be our last visit with him. However, the good list would have a cause for joy underneath it, because Dad is at perfect peace and even in the midst of grief it is a tender comfort to know that...

Despite the fact that I try really hard not to get into the category of too much information (TMI)on this blog, I will nervously venture out on this one, and if you think I have overstepped, then simply stop reading after the first sentence ;) ----

Most of you who know me, also know that we have been desiring to expand our family, by way of a little one. A necessary surgery was had nearly a year ago. I am trying to be patient with this process. I know that only God gives life and that if He is pleased to add to our family, He will do so in His time. I went to the doctor today and further tests are to be done to check the success of my surgery. So I guess I am just...venting here. Most of the time I stay too busy to dwell on it, but the sensitive nature of the grieving process happening in our family, reality of an upcoming birthday with the gift of a clock ticking out of control, plus today's doctor appointment might have caused me to...um, dwell. :)

On a lighter note, I have realized that I will not have a class in June so for the first time in a loooong time I can teach Vacation Bible School!!! I am really excited about that. One of my babies is too old for the standard VBS (boy, do I get sentimental about that)but I just might drag him with me to help anyway.

On an even lighter note, I ordered some eyeglasses over the internet. They just came in the mail and I tried them on. Sara asked me to please not wear them out of the house. :D :D :D Then Dillon said, "Oh, they don't look bad." Just about the time I got a warm, fuzzy feeling that my darling son was being so sweet to me, he added, "They don't look bad, they look terrible." Sweet boy. Daniel said it is a good thing that I only got them so I would be able to see to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night (I wear contacts all day). There's the silver lining!

I think I will put the cap back on the runaway thoughts for now. Thanks for hanging in there with me!

HIGHWAYS & HEDGES

2010-03-16T07:18:00.000-07:00

Jimmy is my brother, both biologically and spiritually. I am thankful to see the work God is doing in him and through his ministry. It is a ministry of mercy which shares the gospel with prisoners, and also offers to strengthen those who have come to know the Lord while they face the consequences of their actions.

J. Hudson Taylor

2010-03-03T15:02:00.000-08:00

"I hated myself; I hated my sin...I felt that there was nothing I so much desired in this world [as holiness], nothing I so much needed. But so far from in any measure attaining it, the more I pursued and strove after it, the more it eluded my grasp; till hope itself almost died out...

I cannot tell you how I am buffeted sometimes by temptation. I never knew how bad a heart I had. ...Often I am tempted to think that one so full of sin cannot be a child of God at all."

"I prayed, agonised, fasted, strove, made resolutions, read the Word more diligently...but all was without effect. Every day, almost every hour, the consciousness of sin oppressed me."

"Is there no rescue? Must it be thus to the end--constant conflict and, instead of victory, too often defeat?"

LATER, after a fresh new look at the loving Savior ~

"I looked to Jesus and saw (and when I saw, oh, how joy flowed!) that He had said, 'I will never leave you.' 'Ah, there is rest!' I thought..."

"Abiding, not striving nor struggling; looking off unto Him; trusting Him for present power; trusting Him to subdue all inward corruption; resting in the love of an almighty Saviour;...this is not new, and yet 'tis new to me. I feel as though the first dawning of a glorious day had risen upon me."

Dr. and Mrs. Howard Taylor, Hudson Taylor and the China Inland Mission
(Edinburgh: R & R Clark, 1918)

These are words from the life of J. Hudson Taylor, 19th century missionary to China - a great hero of our faith. I read them and thought, "I could have written all of this!" I love to read personal accounts of these revered saints. I find comfort in knowing that God takes delight in showing Himself mighty as He loves us to recovery and revival.

2010-02-26T14:53:00.000-08:00

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." ~ 3 John 4

I love to watch my children grow. I want them to always be in an upward climb as they learn, gain wisdom and understanding. As most parents, I brag to everyone who will listen about everything from "how tall he is now", to "how well he leads", or "how well she studies", and on and on. So you see, I don't really want them to remain babies. That just wouldn't be natural.

But I do have a day occasionally where I miss the era wherein they wore pajamas with feet, read picture books, watched Sesame Street, and stayed with Mommy all day. *sigh* When I have a day like this, I am not really wanting to take them back there. I think it is simply a merciful reminder to me that I need to redeem the time I have left with them. I can ask the Lord for His forgiveness concerning wasted time and opportunities. I can reckon with the fact that all my good intentions and personal convictions are tainted with my human weakness. I can admit that there are inconsistencies in my teaching, and I don't always know just how to reconcile them. I can ask God to help me refocus. I can thank Him for all the ways He has taken care of us. I can thank Him that He holds us in His care and His good plans for my children are not thwarted by my weakness. I can rest in His mercy, grace, and kindness.

"For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light."
~ Colossians 1:9-12

2010-02-17T12:05:00.000-08:00

Our TOES are cold...
But our HEARTS are warm!
Who wants hot chocolate? :)

CAN YOU READ THIS...

2010-02-02T03:50:00.000-08:00

WITHOUT AWE?

"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him? For from him and to him are all things. To HIM be the glory forever! Amen."

~ Romans 11:33-36

EMAIL FROM PASTOR LESLY IN HAITI

2010-01-24T12:05:00.000-08:00

Deay pastor Mark :

Greetings from Haiti !

I have the privilege to write you again because I am alive. I am alive only by the mercy of God because there are about 200.000 dead people, not including 115,000 injured and 5,000 missing people that have been hit by the earthquake. I praise the name of the Lord because my family and I are still alive.

Please receive my apologize for not informing you as soon as possible, there was not any means of communication for two weeks, until now the electricity has not been restored yet . I am writing you with a friend portable generator that I am using, as power source. We have our mother church building that we used to operate also for school which is completely destroyed.

We have another building which lodged four class rooms that have been destroyed.

We have five other church buildings that have been destroyed. In my home congregation the whole family is homeless included me. I have 32 orphans children with me that I have been evacuated from the orphanage building that I had, because all the security wall that we used as fence have been destroyed, so the children are out of security now and I had to evacuate them. Actually, here is what I am living, as pastor in a community which contains five villages which have about 5.000 people.

1- There is no water, no food until now, we do not receive any help from the government.

2- We sleep open air in empty land under plastic sheets makeshift camp.

3- Every single day I receive about 5, 7 orphans children that their parents have been victim on the earthquake, I don’t know what to do if I have to take or refuse them.

4- My village populations are expected a lot from me because everytime they come to me and ask me if I have something to give because they are hungry and really in need.

Personally, I have food for the next coming two days for my family and my 32 orphans children, right after everything is done.

5- About 95 percent of the government office building have been destroyed, university school, post office have been destroyed and so fourth. Even if I write you a book it won’t be enough to explain you the situation that we’re living now. If you want to help us here is the way:

1- Pray for us for safety because the Haiti and shakes every day this causes we live in panic.

2- I would like you mobilize some churches in your area to collect funds, food and clothes to send for us.

3- If you can organize some team workers because we have schools that have been destroyed which needs to be rebuilt.

If you help me this way I will be glad because you will help me to save other life which is hopeless and don’t forget anything you send for me. For fund you can

send it through my bank account for easy way because there is any way to receive mail via post ofice. As you make the deposit please let me know.

Thank you for your concern and compassion to us. Blessings to you.

In His care,

Pastor Lesly Bertrand

The Synergy of His Plan

2010-01-19T07:41:00.001-08:00

syn·er·gy (sĭn'ər-jē)
n. pl. syn·er·gies

The interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects.

Cooperative interaction among groups, especially among the acquired subsidiaries or merged parts of a corporation, that creates an enhanced combined effect.

Our pastor used this word Sunday morning while preaching out of Romans, chapter 8. I liked its succinct richness and it has stuck with me. When I stop and realize the ways God has worked in my life to "work all things for good" I am amazed that He has the power to use every detail. Unlike us, He does not have to scavenge through the thoughts, deeds, circumstances, and millions of other details to find something that may be worth using to bring about His purposes. He can and does use it ALL: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

A few weeks ago God did a work in me to bring me through a very dark trial. It was as if, after struggling intensely with this spirit of oppression, the switch was flipped and He just rushed in and showered me with divine affection and assurances. At that point I knew I needed not only deliverance, but my mind desperately needed renewal. I was afraid of going back to retrieve those old thoughts and remembrances, of which I was gloriously being delivered. His Word is perfect for reprogramming our thought lives. Fearing my own weakness, I cried out to God to amaze me.

Now, God is absolutely amazing whether I recognize it or not. He does not need me to be amazed, although I believe He takes joy in it. But I wanted more than head knowledge for my own benefit. I didn't just want to know it and trust it, I wanted to feel it and revel in His awesomeness. As you might have guessed, He has given me the additional "boost of amazement" and one of the things that amazes me is that He is not limited like humans. He can and does work ALL things for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Where humans see barriers, He makes bridges and He uses whatever materials He pleases.

Romans 8:28

BECAUSE I SAID SO

2010-01-10T13:25:00.000-08:00

Just kidding. I have made it a point to never say that to my kids. There is always a better reason than that.

It's the little things that make me come unglued. I am so thankful to be Mom. Not just Mom, but Mom to the very ones who call me Mom. But training young people can be...daunting. As mine are maturing they are in different phases of the process, of course. But there are things I find myself saying on a pretty constant basis - offenses and irritations that should be long gone. If only I had applied the appropriate consequence right away I most likely would not be getting annoyed at these "things" anymore. So, I decided to put these things in print, and additionally have consequences already attached. That way, I don't even have to think about what to do when I am getting ignored.

So, here they are.

SCHOOL DAY
TEN COMMANDMENTS

1 – Eat ONLY at the kitchen table.
(no exceptions)
2 – Be out of bed by 6 AM.
3 – Hind quarters must be in van seat by 6:45 AM. Mouth should be smiling. :-)
4 – Drink 1 cup of orange juice in AM. (before brushing teeth)
5 – Begin HW upon arrival – at kitchen table. Must be quiet; may eat snack.
6 – Pack up and put everything for the next day in the van when HW is finished.
7 – Shower and be in bed by 9:30 PM.
Sara 7:30
Dillon 8:00
Daniel 8:30
8 – After dinner: load dishwasher, wipe table & counters, sweep
9 – Place dirty clothes in hamper after shower; put clean clothes away.
10 – Turn out lights at 6:40 AM
and……

PICK UP AFTER YOURSELF

1) ANY instance of eating away from the table will be an immediate loss of computer and video game privileges for at least one day.
2) Getting up after 6 AM will result in an early bedtime by 1/2 hour for one week.
3) Failing to be in the van by 6:45 AM will require getting up by 5:30 AM for one week.
4) Orange juice not drank before school will be saved for after school. And you MUST, without question, ALWAYS brush your teeth.
5) Homework needs to be finished by 6 PM. If you are not able to finish by then, because there is more than can be done in that time, I will want to see what you have done and I will give more time. If ALL HW is not finished every day for the week, then all computer and video game privileges will be lost for the following week. Also, after school snack needs to include a bottle of water and a fruit – even if you have something in addition.
6) Once things are placed in the van for the next day, it is free time. Everything, including notes from me should be in backpacks, with the exception of instruments. They can be in front of the door. You may then choose your activity for free time. Negotiate computer time, etc.
7) Each person has their own shower time. This keeps everyone from waiting until the last minute…and makes sure everyone has hot water. Please only take the amount of time it takes to get adequately cleaned. No standing in the shower just wasting hot water! Also, if you are getting in the shower, and the person before you has left a mess, you may ask them to come back and get it before you take your shower – because after your shower it becomes your responsibility to clean up. Please rinse out sink after brushing teeth, hang towels, make sure things are put back in place, etc. Anyone who does not clean up after themselves will clean ALL the bathrooms.
8) - Each week the kitchen responsibilities will rotate.
Example: week 1- Daniel, load dishwasher
Dillon, wipe counters and table
Sara, sweep kitchen
(turn dw on before bed)
The consequence of not doing your job in the
kitchen will be that you will get up 15 min. early
to unload the dw before school. Grumbling or
arguing will be considered the same as not doing
your job.

9) Failure to put clothes where they belong will result in laundry duty for one day. (That’s right! Sort, wash, dry, fold, put away.)
10)Each week one person will be the “light person”.
At 6:40 AM all lights need to be turned off.

*I will be watching to see who is picking up after themselves. If you would like to leave something out because you are coming back to it please ask for permission so that I know you have not forgotten it. If things are simply left out in the floor, on the table, etc. I will remind you to put it away. If I find myself giving many reminders, I will have you dust and vacuum the whole house. That way you will have to move the items in order to do that – good reminder.

Thank you, and good night.

MOM

THIS IS YOUR MULLIGAN MOMENT

2010-01-06T08:24:00.000-08:00

START OVER
by Woodrow Kroll
When you've trusted Jesus and walked His way,
When you've felt His hand lead you day by day
But your steps now take you another way,
START OVER.
When you've made your plans and they've gone awry,
When you've tried your best 'til there's no more try,
When you've failed yourself, and you don't know why,
START OVER.
When you've told your friends what you plan to do,
When you've trusted them but they didn't come through,
Now you're all alone and it's up to you to
START OVER.
When you've failed your kids and they're grown and gone
When you've done your best but it turned out wrong,
And now your grandchildren have come along
START OVER.
When you've prayed to God so you'll know His will,
When you've prayed and prayed but you don't know still,
When you want to stop 'cause you've had your fill,
START OVER.
When you think you're finished and want to quit,
When you've bottomed out in life's deepest pit,
When you've tried and tried to get out of it
START OVER.
When the year's been long and successes few,
When December comes and you're feeling blue,
God gives a January just so you can
START OVER.
Starting over means victories won,
Starting over means a race well run,
Starting over means the Lord's "Well done,"
So don't just sit there,
START OVER.

LISTEN HERE to an excellent teaching on second chances.

WANNA FIGHT?

2010-01-03T15:44:00.000-08:00

When Deanna approached me to ask if I would teach her class last week, she found me with a tear-soaked, tired face. Why? Well, I won't get into that here, (I can hear your sigh of relief) but my short answer will be that I am just a wee bit self-centered every once in a while. :-D What? Sweet little old me???

Wouldn't you know that I would have to look at the lesson she had already begun, titled "Why we fight with those we love"? Hmmm? For crying out loud, that was just TOO MUCH. That's when I knew she had been eavesdropping around my residence. Nah, not really. Of course, my answer to the question was that I fight with others because I am right, they are wrong, and they need to come quickly to that realization. But God didn't like my answer, so I had to keep fine-tuning.

Anyway, God has in a most gracious, merciful, and kind way brought healing and reconciliation into my life - with Him and others. But only after I had squirmed under the weight of this lesson, in which I did not know how in the world I would be able to teach, for a whole week.

Well, there is my intro. Here is the part of the lesson I added, all the while I squirmed...

(James 4:1-10)

Why do we fight...sometimes even with those we love? Each of us has a deep need for love and acceptance. We want peace, joy, a sense of accomplishment, and empowerment. All of these needs and desires are fulfilled in a life surrendered to God. He is the giver of all good things. But we are ignorant of His good gifts. Instead we often want these gifts on our own terms.

We want love, acceptance, and approval from others. We even want it more than we want God’s, and instead of what He offers. But the love mankind gives is faulty, no matter how sincere it may be. Our own love is faulty, as well. We live in a world where we are fortunate if some people love us, but are also surrounded with those who have no concern for us. God’s love is a true need. Without it there is no survival. We can survive without the love and approval of people if necessary, although it is a felt void. But we NEED God. Needs and desires are quickly confused. If there is a sense of entitlement we are bound to be angry when those things don’t come to fruition. We get angry with people, and also at God. The only true soul need we have is one that will absolutely be fulfilled. God does not call us to Himself through repentance and faith just to toy with our emotions. He does it because He loves us and He is glorified in His perfect love for us. The need for His love and approval comes through Jesus’ perfect sacrifice. So if we are bitter because we believe our needs are not met, we are wrong. Others will fail us, we will fail ourselves, but God never fails us.

Some sinful manifestations of our feelings of rejection are:

• Bitterness
• Rage
• Self-pity
• Psychological disorders (not suggesting always)
• Unexplained illnesses (not suggesting always)
• Gluttony
• Laziness
Addictions

There are many misplaced desires that can lead us straight into corruption if we entertain them:

• Power
• Manipulation
• Lust for things, people
• Admiration from others, popularity
• Material things to prove we are successful

Some things can become idols, even if they are not inherently evil:

• Pleasure
• Marriage
• Children
• Friendships
• Dreams and expectations

Even though our only true need is God’s love, He did create us to be in relationships with others. It is very important that we learn how to connect in meaningful ways and how to love appropriately. (We are also guaranteed to need conflict management skills as long as we live in a fallen world, so study up!) Therefore, I am not suggesting it is wrong that we want to have loving relationships, or that we desire families, rewarding careers, or to have our dreams come true. However, we enter into sin when these things become idols to us – when they are more important than God’s love and acceptance. When the thing we want requires sinning in order to obtain it, and we are willing to do that, we are in danger.

“Or do you think that the scripture says in vain, “The Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously”? vs. 5

God wants to be the One we look to for affection and joy. He wants to be the One we trust to give us all good things. He can give the best marriage partner, lead us in the best career path, provide our food and clothing, and enjoy communion with us as we seek our dreams in Him. Even our dreams should come from His heart. If they are His dreams for us then we can be at peace that He will make them happen.

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

It is often very difficult for us to wait on the Lord to give us the desires of our heart. First we need to make sure that the desires we have are desires He has ordained for us. We do that by seeking Him with a surrendered heart. When we seek Him, He has great joy in giving us the desires of our heart. What happens in the process is that HE becomes our over-arching desire, and then anything He adds to us becomes a secondary blessing.

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33

Fight evil, with the strength of the Lord this week, not your loved ones. :-)

I COULD NOT SAY IT BETTER

2009-12-29T14:25:00.000-08:00

When my mind is confused, my heart is numb, my emotions are untrustworthy and the words just won't flow from my mouth in prayer,

I read from The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers.

I have destroyed myself,
my nature is defiled,
the powers of my soul are degraded;
I am vile, miserable, strengthless,
but my hope is in thee.

If ever I am saved it will be by goodness
undeserved and astonishing,
not by mercy alone but by abundant mercy,
not by grace but by exceeding riches of grace;
And such thou hast revealed, promised, exemplified
in thoughts of peace, not of evil.

Thou has devised means
to rescue me from sin's perdition,
to restore me to happiness, honour, safety.
I bless the for the everlasting covenant,
for the appointment of a mediator.

(page 72)

AND THIS MY FRIENDS, IS HOW TO GET FAT FOR CHRISTMAS

2009-12-20T14:52:00.000-08:00

Just pour in some chocolate chunks and butterscotch chips (grab a few and pop them into your mouth while you are at it)...

Have some peanuts handy (eat a few of those too)...

Once the chocolate and butterscotch is ooey-gooey, then add peanuts...

(If you don't have a double boiler (like me) you can set one inside the other with water in the lower one, of course)

Set to low temperature and stir it all around...

Spoon onto wax paper (salivate)...

Put them into the cookie jar and hope no one else notices that they are there...

Oink Oink,

*By the way, the original recipe I used (I totally plagiarized this from an insert in my utility bill) said to put all of this in the crock pot for 2 hours. I tried it that way and it does make the peanuts softer that way, but the trade off is that the chocolate and butterscotch isn't as creamy.*

I'M NOT DITZY

2009-12-20T13:02:00.000-08:00

It was not until after I had washed my hands, fluffed my hair, and stopped to discern what song was playing over the speaker, that I got my first clue. It was the standard place where we eat lunch on Sundays, so yes, I have been there before. You might *think* I would know where the Ladies Room is located. But not until I saw the urinal on the wall did I furrow my brow. The thought pattern was thus: "That is a urinal. I don't recall there being a urinal in the Ladies Room. Wait, why would there EVER be a urinal in the Ladies Room? Political Correctness? hmmm. Wait a minute. Am I in the..." I timidly opened the door which, in bold letters announced,

MENS ROOM.

You know how, when you make a dumb move like that, you think everybody in the restaurant is outside the door pointing and laughing? But thankfully nobody noticed. I did sheepishly admit to Mark that I had gone to the Men's Room. "Just because school is out for the holidays does not mean you stop reading altogether, Stace."

Welcome to my world.

Observations about Lydia

2009-12-16T13:50:00.000-08:00

(observations for Bibly Study Group - thanks for reading!)

Why is it important for us to put God first? How do we do that?

First of all, we are not able to begin to please God without faith. "But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him." ~ Hebrews 11:6 The positive of this verse is that it implies that God IS and that He is a REWARDER of those who seek Him. That is an encouragement for me. It makes me want to have faith so that I can experience the reward of seeking Him. What is the reward? Himself - and what or whom could be better than such a reward? Prayer is, in and of itself, an act of faith. We would not pray to Someone Whom does not exist, or to Someone Who could not respond. When faith is lacking, the first step is to pray.

Prayer increases faith.

Secondly, we need to seek the Lord for protection. We can't always see our enemy. Our first utterance in the morning should be for God to help us - whether we know of impending danger or not. Our objective in this passing life is to "stand". "Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." ~Ephesians 6:13 In this section of scripture we are implored to seek shelter in our Defender - and with good reason. Part of that armor is prayer..."praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit..." We actually need the Lord to help us put the armor on, by faith. It is for our benefit to ask, and it is glorifying to our Father when we call out to Him in humble dependence.

Prayer glorifies God.

Discernment is crucial in the life of a believer. We are born into this world with a great and powerful appetite for answers. We are full of questions. God has the answers we need. However, Satan tries to take full advantage of this desire for "truth". He will put before us all kinds of strange doctrines and deceitful leaders, so we will stop looking for Truth, thinking we have already found it in his counterfeit substitutes. He doesn't even care if we are religious, as long as he can keep us from knowing Jesus through repentance and faith. Furthermore, he doesn't stop when we become believers. The tricks simply change shape and he concentrates his energy toward trying to make sure we live defeated and joyless lives, lacking faith.

Prayer is a weapon against deceit.

This point brings me to Lydia, whom we are studying this week. The bible doesn't have a lot to say about her, but for some reason she was included in the account of a missionary journey of Paul and Silas in Acts 16:14-15. I have tried to understand the importance of Lydia in this section. Is it to commend her for hospitality? Is it because the men ventured out to speak with the ladies, who did not have the same worship privileges as the men in a synagogue? Is it because she had extraordinary faith? All of these seem to be true. But because it is not clear to me, I took the liberty of focusing on the aspect of her vulnerability. She was protected, from our viewpoint looking into scripture, by God who led her to His truth in this way. But think about how susceptible she was to getting duped into some false religious ideas.

In this account she was worshipping with some other ladies by the riverside, which was an acceptable place to worship for women, since only men could establish a synagogue. They were approached by men. She quickly believed what they taught and not only trusted it for herself, but she invited her whole family to be baptized with her. These guys could have been teaching something wacked out! Or they could have been searching out the ladies in a place where they could take advantage of them. How did Lydia know the difference? As I mentioned, it was surely because the Lord made Himself known to her.

Prayer helps us to recognize truth.

Scripture gives us so many reasons to seek the Lord first in all things. These are a few general examples that come to mind. I would imagine all of us could give anecdotal evidence in our own lives of the times we were happy we sought the Lord and benefited, and then of those times we only wish we had. Prayer is a continuous act of obedience and faith. There should be times that we have set aside for focused praise, repentance, supplications, and intercessory prayer. But we can talk to the Lord throughout the day - which is for our benefit, and His glory!

2009-11-18T11:13:00.000-08:00

Always stable; never static, and definitely never stagnant:

Spiritually, Physically, and Psychologically.

This is how I want to be.

Peace. Joy. Love.

These, I want to have at all times.

But I don't always recognize when I have pushed myself over the edge. I don't realize I am getting physically sick until I have yelled at everybody and spiked a fever...or slumped in the doctor's office with no energy to find out I am simply lacking necessary vitamins, and that I am PHYSICALLY exhausted.

I don't always notice the creeping up of the Supermom Syndrome that is apt to give me a fitfull night of sleep if I was too tired to check all 200 math problems for one of the kids...or if I am unsure if a decision I made that day was fair. I end up waking up all through the night without considering that I am PSYCHOLOGICALLY drained.

What is worse is that the physical and emotional parts of me tie directly in with the spiritual part of me. If I am running a fever or losing sleep, you can imagine what could be happening to my spirit. I will only pour out the details to my Father, and then only when I reach a point of being able to do so. But for this blog I will just say that I have suffered a major blow over the last few months, SPIRITUALLY.

Did you know that if you are a child of God, you may boldly state that you will no longer cooperate; that you give up; that you will NOT care...and that consequently you may find that you DO care against your will? If you are a very stubborn soul, you may get REALLY livid that you still care, and you can determine NOT to care even more adamantly. Then you will find that you DO still care. You may then bring up the past, and defiantly say, "Look, I am a LOSER, Lord. I have tried SO hard. I have desired YOU, I have prayed to YOU, I have studied YOU and YOU ignore me so I QUIT. If you are really, really stubborn soul you will get desperate to make it go away. But He intervenes, calms the spirit, and breathes hope. HE is simply irresistable, and while I know there are consequences to ruffling up my feathers against Him I take comfort that I am kept by Him.

CARS ARE LIKE PEOPLE

2009-10-19T13:21:00.000-07:00

Even when the engine is still running fine, there may be some parts that just don't work like they used to...

The engine in my Toyota Sienna runs fine. It has for a long time, seeing as how it is OLD. It's not pretty or shiny, but it is PAID FOR and I like that quality in a vehicle. Despite its purring engine, however, there are some things of which Toyota does not spend as much time...like the buttons that make windows go up and down, for instance. For a couple of years I have avoided putting the front window down because I knew it would not go back up. Buuuttt, Friday night it accidentally somehow all by itself went down. It was also on Friday, I believe, that our temperature dropped about 50 degrees. The bright side is that it also stopped raining after 2,987 days of straight rain - therefore, we were just cold, not wet.

I tried to be optimistic. I told Mark we could just pretend to play "Freeze-Out". He was not familiar with that game. "What? You and your friends never put all the windows down in the middle of winter to see who would cave first?" I guess that's not as popular in Michigan as it is here in the South. ;)

The Garage was already closed, of course. As we were standing in our garage with tape and scissors, closing up the window Mark laughed and said, "We are such red-necks"....and "I can sense a blog post is coming".

Well, I took it in to be fixed today and they told me it would be $400 to fix it or $96 to make it go up and stay up. So don't walk up to my passenger side window to tell me something. That baby won't go down!!

NOT EXACTLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND

2009-10-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

"Okay, kids - there should be NO books on the floor. All textbooks and school papers should be in your cabinet. Backpacks go on your pegs. If your books are in the floor because there is no room in the cabinet, then please purge. I repeat: the floor is to be clear."

A few minutes later........"Mom, just leave that drumstick there, okay?"

Ya think that cabinet is full? I'll place my bet on that one.

HOW DO YOU LEARN? part 2

2009-10-18T16:58:00.000-07:00

What kind of learner are you?

Audio? Visual? Kinesthetic?

We use all of these modalities for learning, but there is usually one that we rely on the most. Sometimes the challenge is to "turn off" stimuli that overloads our dominant style. For example, if you are a visual learner - like me - you may be overwhelmed with a lot of busy bulletin boards and things on the wall. I often find myself looking away or closing my eyes when I concentrate. But it is VERY helpful to me when professors use PowerPoints during lectures. When my children come home and tell me that they have an assignment or a field trip, the first thing I do is ask for "the paper", meaning "where is it written down?"

If you are a predominantly audio learner you may have to say things out loud to yourself. One example that comes to mind is an administrative assistant where Mark and I worked several years ago. Her desk was outside of our offices and we could hear her. At first we didn't know if she was talking to us or herself. ("Does she want us to respond?") We finally realized that she just talked to herself as she did her work. I couldn't understand why in the world she did that. But that is because I didn't know that some people are auditory learners!

My sweet daughter is a kinesthetic learner. She moves constantly. She has great rhythm, by the way! A few years ago we began going to a new church. Our old church was a multi-cultural congregation with a lot of outward expressions of worship and a praise team that rocked the house. Our new church was small and quiet with hardwood floors. My girl was having a really tough time with the transition. Keep in mind that she began reading by three years of age, and had already gotten the attention of several teachers as being above average, but remaining still just wasn't in her. We tried different things to help her and what seemed to work was to allow her to work with Silly Putty while she listened. Our pastor even began calling her "Silly Putty Sara" and she gave him his own Silly Putty for Christmas. She now sits beautifully through church, but she is usually writing or playing with her animal bracelets.

We probably automatically do what is natural to us concerning our predominant modalities, but I think it can be helpful to know what we use best. That way we can prepare ourselves for things that could be distracting. It also helps, when dealing with children, to understand how to cater to their strengths. One child may need a chart, another may need a hands-on activity, and yet another may need to be allowed to repeat things quietly back to him or herself.

HOW DO YOU LEARN?

2009-10-18T15:19:00.000-07:00

I am wrapping up my Educational Psychology class and getting prepared for the fourth exam. A book that we were required to read, in addition to our textbook, is The Way They Learn by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. I really like it because it is a down-to-earth, non-professional-jargon read that explains how multiple intelligences look in the classroom and life in general.

I couldn't understand why, in high school, I could make A's in Advanced English with little effort but Algebra made me want to cry. And I did - right in the middle of class one day. I wasn't crying because I gave one hoot about Math. I was crying because I thought I was not smart. I wasn't jealous of the beauty queens in school. I envied the smart girls.

Okay, it is definitely time for a disclaimer. *Beauty and brains go together. I am not insinuating that the smart girls were ugly or that the beauty queens were stupid.* I am only making the point that, while many of us have insecurities about our physical appearances, I was even more desirous to be smart.

I began to avoid Math at all costs, because I could not stand to feel that inept. Of course, we all know that Math doesn't go away. I was only procrastinating the inevitable. But I did put college off for a long time - all because of Math. At this point I have taken four college-level Math courses with one remaining. Guess what? I CAN do math! Even though I can not hold numbers and mathematical concepts in my head, I have found other ways to compensate for this weakness and get it done. I have no intentions of taking this subject beyond what is required to be a "highly qualified" teacher, mind you. The joy in this example is that I am finding a way to do what I need to do to reach a goal.

A couple of years ago I was taking some English and Math classes simultaneously. I was handed back a research paper that was marked with an A. My friend made a comment about my grade, which was better than hers. I said, "What you don't know is that I am on my way to Calculus and if I had to feel the way I feel about myself in THAT class all the time, I would be suicidal. I NEED good grades in my other classes to help me know I am not a total waste." It was during that time that I discovered Howard Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences.

Now I am learning how to apply the theory as a teacher in the classroom. According to theorist Howard Gardner, there are different types of intelligences.

They are:

*Linguistic (using words to describe or communicate ideas)

*Logical-mathematical reasoning, (perceiving patterns in numbers, using numbers effectively)

*Spatial (accurately perceiving and transforming the visual-spatial world)

*Bodily-kinesthetic (having expertise in moving one's body)

*Musical (recognizing components of music, expressing musical forms, using music to express ideas)

*Interpersonal (accurately perceiving and appropriately responding to the emotions of other people)

*Intrapersonal (introspection, discriminating one's emotions and perceptions, knowing one's strengths and limitations)

*Naturalistic (recognizing and classifying living things, sensitivity to features of the natural world)

definitions taken from EdPsych Modules, published by McGraw-Hill

...so we can be thankful for how we are wired. Use the strengths, overcome the weaknesses, don't get bogged down in the details - just focus on achievement.

Happy Learning!

NOTEWORTHY

2009-10-15T14:21:00.000-07:00

"Sara, when you have a dance recital I will go and support you just like you have supported me with football" ~ Dillon

When there is a concept that one has been teaching and teaching and teaching and teaching ones' children and that same one begins to see that little fruit blossom...
one simply has to make a note of it - and also note the date. :)

October 15, 2009
*I wasn't kidding*

That concept, by the way, is that they will support and cheer each other on. It catches on, too. There are so many things that we begin doing simply because we should, and finally that habit becomes the default mode. I am watching it happen and let me tell you I am OVERJOYED.

...different concept, same thought process (I think. Oh, just roll with me, okay?)...

A friend asked me a couple of weeks ago what I have done to keep my children from fighting. She couldn't believe that they were chatting together and acting like friends. I responded, "WHEN would they fight? They are too BUSY." I do wince from time to time when I look at our schedule but then I remember the Ya-Ya Monster and how it seems to come around when we are not pushing it with all we've got. And I don't like the Ya-Ya Monster. Sorry friends, no spectacular parenting here - just keeping it full steam ahead takes care of a lot of things for us.

Now, speaking of that schedule, let me see...football game? band competition? open house? It's something of that nature I am quite sure. Because curling up with a book and listening to the rain in my cozy bedroom is not on there. I have checked thoroughly.

It is rainy days like this that I long to write with thoughtful, expository-style, exactness. I feel the urge to study something deep and profound, to rub my chin and puff my pipe in gratitude of the thought, and then to write about it, discuss it and sigh. But there is no time for that, my dearest ones. You must be content with random nothingness. You must.

(As we pulled into the park last night we saw this brilliant display. Isn't it gorgeous?!)

No, I do not smoke a pipe.

*oops. Kids are fighting....gotta go... :)

FOR THE RECORD...THIS IS WHY

2009-10-01T06:30:00.000-07:00

I'm not passionate about becoming a teacher in the public school system because I was a great student and think that sitting in a classroom is the best high ever...

I'm not passionate because I love Math or Science and just want to spend my life teaching it...

The passion doesn't come from a desire for money or fame ;)...

This may be a cheesy little video, but my answer lies somewhere in it...

WATCH VIDEO

Because everybody isn't born with the most ideal situation and home life. There is always a "Teddy".

2009-09-29T06:34:00.000-07:00

I'm glad I decided to study at home this morning instead of heading to the library. I can't open the windows there and be serenaded by the songs of my sweet feathered friends.

***15 minutes later*** The beep beep of the machine out on the street unloading shingles for a neighboring home is not quite as pleasant as the cacophony of my fine feathered friends. Oh well, back to the study of Educational Psychology and how I'm supposed to hold the attention of students in the classroom. Oh, the irony.

TO KNOW HIM IS TO LOVE HIM

2009-09-16T06:38:00.000-07:00

This has been on my mind lately: My first love ~ JESUS. Have you ever been in a place where you think, "I can't imagine not loving HIM!" and sometime later find yourself thinking, "that kind of love seems so unfamiliar...like something out of a dream..." How do we drift so far?

I am looking forward to listening to this broadcast once I get out of class today.

Nancy Leigh Demoss (Revive Our Hearts) says:

"Think about the time in your life when your love for Christ burned more strongly than ever. Does that describe you today? Find out why it could.
*LISTEN HERE*

If you love Christ, you will love others. To have true love for others, you must have Christ. So when you fail to love Christ, you will fail to love others. When you fail to love others, you have failed to love Christ.

A door of your heart can be closed off to Christ even if you’re faithful, persevering, orthodox; even if your doctrine and lifestyle is right.
Apart from love for Christ and for others, all we do is in vain."

ME. IN THE KITCHEN.

2009-08-30T13:09:00.000-07:00

Be afraid.

It's that time of year...when I really want to make nutritious meals for my family but I don't have two minutes to spare. So I pulled the trusty Crock Pot out of storage this afternoon while I had a little time. I plopped a pork tenderloin in there to simmer and that will become dinner for some time this week. I'll chop it, pour a little BBQ sauce on it and pile it on buns...pop some potatoes in the oven, etc.

I came across some limas in the pantry as I was looking for some *other things* and thought about how my Sara likes them
so I decided to soak some since that is another one of those week day "not a chance for that" items...

Speaking of *other items* - we are quite fond of sweet treats around here and don't feel a meal is quite complete without them so I whipped up some chocolate chip cookies.
Mmmmmm. Wait. Something seems asymmetrical about the cooling rack.
Oh well.

While I was at it I made another one of our favorites: rice krispy treats. We are easy to please.

Marshmallows!

Now those are in the pantry. Yum, yum...

.....................YUCK!!

Now for the clean-up...

READY OR NOT

2009-08-13T07:00:00.000-07:00

And here we begin...

Although I set the alarm for 5:00 am, I obviously failed to turn it ON. However, I had that wake up standing and staring at the stupid alarm clock moment at 5:30 and all was okay. With one kid beginning high school, one beginning middle school and one staying in the same school but moving up a year, of course, I have already had days of dizziness, nausea and crying jags. But now it is time to go. So we did. And we looked pretty. And we smelled pretty. .(Uh, they did. I still have bed head.) And we had our school supplies. Okay, so they may have gotten mixed up a bit and each student may have something of their siblings, but bless our hearts, we made a great effort. Walking downstairs I found these angels waiting on me. Hold on, let me wipe my eyes...

I love their classic tastes!

With all of the changes involved in watching my babies grow up, all the precious moments mixed in with victories and heartbreaks, I guess I just want to see something that stays the same: The good ol' Chuck Taylor tennis shoe and the yellow school bus rounding the corner...

Good thing I forgot to pack those boxes of Kleenex tissues.

SAMPLE DIALOGUE OF YOUNG MEN ON THE MOVE

2009-08-07T08:05:00.000-07:00

...and built-in entertainment for their poor mother.

*on the way home from band camp*

Dillon: I don't want to go to football practice.

Daniel: Come on, Dill. You gotta go. I'll go watch you, okay? Just crush 'em!

Dillon: Okay.

Mom: Thanks, Daniel. You are a good big brother.

Daniel: Yeah, I don't lead him wrong. I can't wait until we are in band together...
We are both going to have beards.

Mom: Uh, okay.

Daniel: And drive a cadillac.

Mom: Okay?

Daniel: We're gonna have a schnauzer...

Mom: Um.

Daniel: ...named Jerry. Mom, what is sun poisoning? Do you think I have it?

*after practice*

Daniel: Dang, Dillon. With all those bruises (from football training) you look like you have leprosy. I said CRUSH 'EM.

Mom: He did, but all the people behind him fell on top of him after he crushed him.

("Yay, Dillon, way to take him down!! -But then the rest of the players who were running to tackle piled on top- Oh, that next guy falling on top of him hurt. Ouch...a few more...Dillon? You under there??)

Dillon: *rolls over and plays dead*

THOUGHT PROCESSOR - Insufficient Memory...

2009-07-21T18:55:00.000-07:00

Re-boot often.

We are watching "Christmas Vacation" VHS style tonight. In case you have forgotten, VHS tapes are those brick-size blocks that play movies in a VCR. A VCR is a magic box that enables one to watch the whole Bible on video at their own discretion...well, that was my first encounter with one at the age of about eight years old or so. Since we pulled this one out and hooked it up yesterday, the kids have found some of their favorite old movies and it has been fun. While connecting it I actually muttered that it is good that technology has improved. (Big heavy TV and stupid wires) What?!

I do loathe the onslaught of gadgets and feel generally overwhelmed and even annoyed with it all. It takes me a while to catch on to new trends...so long that by the time I take advantage of a technology it is no longer a fad. I remember balking at the suggestion of carrying a cell phone only about a dozen years ago. But tonight I walked into a room of about 200 young people practicing for a band field show to retrieve the part of my body called cell phone. (I had asked Daniel to hold it while I went in to a meeting and then his practice started and I had to get to the field.) I am lost without it.

Only in the last decade have I accepted the internet as a personal tool. It just made me so mad that everyone was "forcing" it upon me!! I refused it until it became such a part of work and school that it was a burden not to have it. But later I became addicted to e-mail and then blogging and facebook. Now even in my traditional brick-and-mortar university campus, we are required to communicate through a universal forum - not boxes.

I have always refused cable/satelite. No, I don't think it is evil. I just ain't gonna crumble. Ha!

Additionally, I used to wonder how people found the time to take pictures/video of things. Sometimes I blow through my day so fast I don't have time to notice the things around me - much less take a picture! But now that I keep a camera handy I think I purposefully comtemplate little things more. For example, while we were working outside over the weekend I became fascinated with our little toady frog who lives underneath the lamp. I fetched my camera and took pictures of him. Mark thought it somewhat odd, I suppose! He asked me why I took such an interest in our little friend. (shrug ??)

Hmmm. I am on this blog just rambling about how ironic it is that I once refused to have an internet connection and now I am using it to categorize extra thought processes. The REALLY strange thing is that I can't seem to find a way to tie this together or even make a valid post of it...but these are the thoughts that were running through my head so I am sharing them with you anyway.

"Toady", making his way to the sidewalk so Mark could de-weed his home.

DON'T GET CONFUSED

2009-07-19T11:38:00.000-07:00

First of all,

there are some things that this blog is NOT.

~ It is NOT a photography site. I am dangerous with a camera. I take pictures of random things just for fun and I get genuinely excited if, when I point my camera and click the little button, an image is recorded that is distinguishable from my fuzzy finger that is usually in the way. However, you will find pictures here often because I just like to post them, that's all.

~ It is NOT a recipe/cooking site. I am equally dangerous in the kitchen. When I find something that works I use it forever and I get genuinely excited if I find a new strategy for helping my family and me stay healthy. However, you will find me talking about food here sometimes, because I am interested in diet and nutrition, that's all.

*Now that I have established this kind of disclaimer to keep anyone from scratching their head in disbelief that I may be setting myself up as an authority on these issues of pictures or food, let me show you some pictures of food.

This is a summer salad that Mark requested over the weekend. It was so good and refreshing that I made myself another one for lunch. I was thinking that it might help me get over my boredom with healthy food. :) I have been leaning way over into junk food land since my surgery, which is not a good combination (resting and eating junk) so I welcome this:

Summer Greens -- Baby Romaine, Tango and Radicchio -- Orange slices, Strawberries, sliced Almonds with Raspberry-Walnut Vinegarette

What you see in the background is a Chicken Marinara flatbread. Don't get too impressed. It is a Smart One from the frozen food, but delicious anyway.

Additionally...

Here are the things I look for when planning meals:
1) nutrition
2) time in the kitchen
3) cost

Whoa! My favorite little stand-by has it all:70 calories per serving, it is instant and costs $1.00 for a box. I keep boxes of these in the pantry for a nice little chocolate fix, but today I tried the butterscotch.

Jell-o Pudding
It makes me happy, just like Bill Cosby!

SPARKLY EARS AND SUCH...

2009-07-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

Trying again on the ear-piercing thing...
The first time we did this we ended up at the After Hours doctor's office having an ear ring cut from her ear...

She was quite nervous. Here she is with her new ear rings in place, unaware that she has supporters outside the window.

DISH DRAMA: Our Soap Opera

2009-07-15T04:41:00.000-07:00

Our dishwasher has been down around here for several months...

When it first went down Mark told me we could purchase a new one, but I am almost as cheap as he is so I wanted to wait. =D Maybe I thought this one would revive itself or something. I am sure I will eventually get tired of not having one, but here are my deep thoughts on the situation. ahem.

~ Dishwashers cost money that I don't want to fork over.

~ Mark is a gentleman and does dishes as much as possible.

~ It is nice to stand at the sink and talk with the kids while they help me clean up after meals.

~ A pile of dishes is a good excuse to extend the family meal time by keeping everyone in the kitchen while we *learn* to work together. (On second thought, a nice game of cards or scrabble could do that as well. What was I thinking?)

~ At the point where we decide we have had enough of this dish drama we will feel as though loading the dishwasher is no work at all. In fact, we may fight over who gets to do it! Or maybe not.

Other thoughts...

I would love to have a window over the sink. However, looking into the garage is not all that appealing. The windows are on the other side of the kitchen. I have stared at that blank space over the sink for some time now, thinking about what I would like to see. I often place a verse for thought or something up there. If you don't know me you may not realize that I have fear of commitment issues with home decorating. I do not put things on walls. You may get bored in my house if you really like it all done up. I also do not do a lot of "do-dads" or "knick-knacks". But I think something really thought-provoking and eye-catching should go over the sink. What do you suggest?

A LAZY ATTEMPT AT RHYMING

2009-07-10T16:41:00.000-07:00

We've been lazy...

We've been bored...
We've been hazy...

We've explored...

Now the time has come to kick it up a notch and go out into the sweltering heat for some torture..
Antonio London's Football Extravaganza for Dillon.

(autographs of former University of Alabama football players)

Meanwhile...Daniel and Sara got caught up on their physicals/vaccinations today. Dental visits, orthodontist visits, summer reading list, registrations, mom's nagging about math review, blah, blah, blah...

Poor Daniel keeps getting his braces so tight that his oboe/clarinet are collecting dust and he is playing a lot of guitar instead. "No pain, no gain" I suppose. (Should I worry if I hear him playing a lot of blues..."pain, despair and agony on my mouth..."?)

Well, it is that exciting time of preparation for a new school year. But we still have some summer left and Lord willing we will s-t-r-e-t-c-h it out...because I am getting quite accustomed to brain fog.

PRIVILEGES from The Valley of Vision

2009-07-09T07:40:00.000-07:00

O Lord God,

Teach me to know that grace precedes, accompanies, and follows my salvation, that it sustains the redeemed soul, that not one link of its chain can ever break.

From Calvary's cross wave upon wave of grace reaches me,
deals with my sin,
washes me clean,
renews my heart,
strengthens my will,
draws out my affection,
kindles a flame in my soul,
rules throughout my inner man,
consecrates my every thought, word, work,
teaches me thy immeasurable love.

How great are my privileges in Christ Jesus!

Without him I stand far off, a stranger, an outcast;
in him I draw near and touch his kingly sceptre.

Without him I dare not lift up my guilty eyes;
in him I gaze upon my Father-God and Friend.

Without him I hide my lips in trembling shame;
in him I open my mouth in petition and praise.

Without him all is wrath and consuming fire;
in him is all love, and the repose of my soul.

Without him is gaping hell below me, and eternal anguish;
in him its gates are barred to me by his precious blood.

Without him darkness spreads its horrors in front;
in him an eternity of glory is my boundless horizon.

Without him all within me is terror and dismay;
in him every accusation is charmed into joy and peace.

Without him all things external call for my condemnation;
in him they minister to my comfort,
and are to be enjoyed with THANKSGIVING.

Praise be to thee for grace,
and for the unspeakable gift of Jesus.

The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions

Guest Post: Hometown Spotlight

2009-06-30T20:00:00.001-07:00

Please visit the Alabama Blogger site for my GUEST POST!

DEATHMATCH: LUCY VS SPIDER

2009-06-29T06:10:00.000-07:00

"Oh, there she is - over there. She's blogging. This will be a piece of cake. She'll never look up. I can get to the kitchen in no time. I'll just pretend to be some dust on this baseboard...OH, heavens to Betsy!!! What is THAT?

Oh, great. Now she has seen me. She ran to get the flip flop of death. I'm not all that worried about the flip flop. I mean, she may be an awesome blogger (that's what they all say) but the girl just flat stinks at physics. She won't take into account that I will run forward when she stands back, throws the shoe and takes off running.Good grief. She's screaming and she hasn't even gotten the shoe. But I had to move because that THING looks hungry! IT does worry me some. Uh oh, is IT coming to eat me? Maybe not.........{gulp}

Off to clean some baseboards! {{shudder}} ~

WE LOVE LUCY

2009-06-24T19:30:00.000-07:00

LUCY?
LUUUUCYY?!
YOU GOT SOME 'SPLAINING TO DO, LUCY!

The kids are babysitting my mama's puppy, Lucy. They are having a blast.

SIMPLE SERENDIPITIES

2009-06-24T09:37:00.000-07:00

Thank you, God, that someone planted these delicate little petals near my breakfast table so I can look at them while I eat my toast.Thank You for the sweet yumminess in every juicy strawberry that I just ate for snack.
Thank You for this creature, who digs holes in the yard and eats his doghouse but still claims his place in our family because he is adorable.
And thank You, that this blossom is beautiful AND smells better than the dogs.

HAVING OUR CAKE AND EATING IT TOO...

2009-06-21T15:32:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday, Son!

Apples of My Eye

My Brother

My Child, Stealing the Shot While Mark and George Solve Political Issues

Birthday Boy, Graciously Accepting Song Requests while Mark Holds Music

...and it was another birthday, celebrated with thankfulness.

Undeserving and so blessed ~
:-)

APPLES FELL A LITTLE WAYS FROM THE TREE

2009-06-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

Here is my girl, keeping up her levels on one of her handheld game thingies while making rice crispy treats on Sunday afternoon:

Here are her brothers, who opted for some games on the wii, er, PS2 or whatever:

Here is me doing something totally techie:

Oh, nevermind. I'm no techie. I did sit on the phone with a lovely IT person for a while on Sunday afternoon to find out why our DSL is down. Still down. Dial-up is torture.

Anyway...

Today I met some other bloggers from Alabama for lunch. There were several of us there, representing several of the reasons we blog. I was not allowed at the techie end of the table. However, I did ask Mary to pass along any good things she was learning. ;-) I had a good time. We have some pretty neat people around here who happen to enjoy blogging.

This is Mary and me:

I had to scoot out of there pretty fast to catch a doctor's appointment. But later I met up with Susanna for our study time. I just have to tell you - I love that Susy-Q. Even when I am dog tired I have the best time when we get together and she makes me laugh so hard! I love it that the kids are so enthralled with our silliness that they can't stay away.

So, it was a very good day. The end. ;)

CONVERSATIONS ON THE WAY TO THE CELESTIAL CITY

2009-06-11T15:19:00.000-07:00

"Christian" and "Hopeful" were walking in the way to the Celestial City, discussing a certain man named "Little-faith". Poor Little-faith had been robbed. Hopeful could not understand how Little-faith could have been so pitifully weak. Why didn't he just run away when he heard the robbers coming?

Hopeful "But Christian, these three fellows (ones who had been robbed along the way), I am persuaded in my heart, are but a company of cowards; would they have run else, think you, as they did at the noise of one that was coming on the road? Why did not Little-faith pluck up a greater heart?" (p 208)

Christian "That they are cowards, many have said, but few have found it so in the time of trial." (p 209)...

"But for such footmen as thee and I are, let us never desire to meet with an enemy, nor vaunt as if we could do better, when we hear of others that hey have been foiled, nor be tickled at the thoughts of our own manhood; for such commonly come by the worst when tried. Witness Peter, of whom I made mention before. He would swagger, ay, he would; he would, in his vain mind prompted him to say, do better, and stand more for his master than all men; but who so foiled, and run down by these villains, as he?" (p 210)

The Pilgrim's Progress, John L. Dagg Publishing Co. (Nov 2005)

We may be tempted to think this:

If a person is REALLY committed to the Lord, he or she will not fall. Only those who are pretending to follow after Christ actually fall for satan's schemes. The strong ones will always run. I used to think this, too. The problem with this is that we are not always as strong as we think we are.

Saint Peter wasn't playing a game. He believed he would be the last one of the disciples to ever deny Jesus. He was shortly thereafter frightened so much by a young girl that he quickly denied ever knowing the Lord. David was no phony. He had slain the giant, become king and had already won many battles when he fell for one of the few women to whom he was not already married, even while he had hundreds available to him. These are a couple of the most famous biblical examples. All throughout the Bible and history up to date we are reminded of those who stood strong in the Lord in one moment and were plundered helplessly by the enemy in the next.

Only in the strength of the Lord can we stand, unwavering, placing all of our hope and faith in the One who is able to make us stand. We can not depend on our love for God, our faith in Him, a vibrant daily devotional, or church attendance. Those are all wonderful things that He gives us but we can still fall. Our greatest strength is to know our weakness and humbly ask Him to apply His armor to us.

"Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand." ~ Ephesians 6:13

WHAT TO THINK OF WHEN I DON'T WANT TO THINK AT ALL

2009-06-10T15:57:00.000-07:00

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I took Daniel to the orthodontist to get his braces off?...the braces he has worn for over three years, along with a contraption to relocate his jaw? But at that time they discovered a gap that needed to be closed up and they cranked down on his teeth so hard he didn't eat hardly for a week. So we went back today to get them off.

Darn GAP!

He left today with a "double power chain", to be checked in two more weeks. Poor kid. We did not leave and go have a big celebratory lunch. Instead we opted for something cold and smooth:

Yesterday he was at the doctor to check on a sore throat that will not leave. We are awaiting the results of a mono test, but most likely it is an effect of the Accutane he is taking. Adolescence is tough for so many reasons. The doctor joked that he had been kissing girls and caught mono. Being a parent is tough for so many reasons. (Wait 20 years for that at least, my son. I am NOT kidding.)

As for the other two kiddos, VBS is keeping them pretty busy.

Switching gears,

Have you ever been so engaged mentally, charging forward with full steam and then suddenly EVERYTHING stopped? (Endless days upon days of attending and studying for full-time classes, managing the home, juggling extra-curricular activities, trying to keep an active personal devotion with the Lord, trying to be a loving and supportive wife and a teaching mother)I am loving the time off from school, for the kids and me. I am loving not working. I am loving the quietness...but normally I PLAN for downtimes. I have books to read, prayers to pray, thoughts to think, friends to catch up with, diet and exercise regiments, catechisms for the kids, memory work for me... but at this point...? My brain won't cooperate. I am flat. I don't want to read. I want to spend hours in absolute quietness, not thinking. And I don't know what to think of it!

I want to want to read. I want to want to pray, to think and meditate. But right now I am just happy to be. To spend time with Mark, the kids, my immediate family and friends. To be quiet. To look at the flowers. To take all morning drinking coffee and going for a walk. And just not care.

I think that this is an okay thing, but I occasionally panic because I need to be using every minute to get ahead...but I need to rest...but I need to work...but I need to rest...it's so much easier when the day planner is too full to give me a choice.

I'm off to enjoy the day, not thinking or reading or even talking very much! :-)

2009-06-07T16:01:00.000-07:00

Getting some fresh air...aaaaahhh.
I have been recovering from surgery this past week. I thought I was going to hop right off that operation table and go home. Well, the doctor said "no" and when I woke up I found out why. It was a wee bit more involved than I had realized. I am naive like that, or else I just don't listen. Nevertheless, everything has gone very smoothly. Except for the morphine that made me want to claw my skin off in the hospital, I think I have been a good patient, too. ;)

You should have seen me trying to wait until Mark turned his head so I could SCRATCH. I could get some scratching done but then he would notice because I would fall asleep with my hands still raised to my face or neck. He would tell me not to scratch and I would get mad at myself for falling asleep when I should have been scratching.

I am thankful to be on the mend. The problem is that I am now thoroughly spoiled with having people cook for me and ask me every few minutes if I need anything. There is no telling how long I might milk this...hee hee.

Mark and I did manage to get out to the Botanical Gardens on Saturday to see the blooming of the daylilies. This one is my favorite ~

My hope is to stroke my chin and think some really deep thoughts now that I am off the pain medications and summer is in full force. "I will meditate on Your precepts and contemplate Your ways..."~ Psalm 119:15 It sounds so simple, but what a fight it is to focus sometimes!

What are you focusing on this summer? Just curious...

A LITTLE BIT OF SUMMER AROUND HERE

2009-05-26T18:37:00.000-07:00

We are taking it easy. Here is a peek at the weekend. Totally laid back. yeah.

Daniel at his appointment to get his braces off, in which they decided to leave them on for three more weeks. Bummer.

Big, fat fish in my dad's pond that would not come up long enough to have their pictures made.

My girl, feeding the fish.

My not so little babies.

NEXT I WILL GIVE PLAY-BY-PLAY OF A BORING MOVIE...

2009-05-18T20:03:00.000-07:00

I will not stay up late tonight. I promise. But this blog serves as a sort of memory book for me too, so here are a few items from the last busy week:

~ Dillon is signed up for tuba. We are working on having our own in-house band.

~ Daniel had his last concert for the year.

~ On Friday night, Daniel went to dinner and the mall with some friends in honor of a birthday (taken by an adult, of course!), Sara had a sleep-over at a friend's house, so Mark and I took Dillon to California Pizza Kitchen and discussed whether or not he would play football this year. Pizza goes well with discussions. He has only played tag football because we just refused to put him in a city league until we saw some other things come together. (grades, maturity, so on)

~On Saturday, after the kids sloshed around the park at a band picnic - and I do mean it was crazy rainy - we registered Dillon for football. (Progress!)

~On Saturday night I cooked a nice quiet, rain-free, staying home, feet on the coffee table, movie watching, no kids dinner for Mark and me and we RELAXED and we needed to RELAX really bad.

What? You mean you are still reading? Awww, I am feeling the love!!

WANNA KNOW WHAT STINKS?

2009-05-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

Pharisaism is foul. There it is. That is what is on my mind and I’m not of the mindset to write “pretty”.

Speaking to Christians:

It’s easy to be a hypocrite, isn’t it? We all know that gossip, gluttony, idleness, greed, sexual immorality and outbursts of anger are wrong, wrong, wrong. In fact, we can’t wait until the divorced couple turn their backs so we can gossip about how wicked they are. Oops, well, at least gossip is not as bad as a failure at marriage, right? Or a failure at anything, really – it’s all fair game. We may not say so, but that couple who are in foreclosure on their home…? Well, they are just losers. No, no, we wouldn’t actually say it! That would make our "white-washed sepulchers" look dingy. We will just put on a lecture and throw a few subtle raised eyebrows.

Am I saying that divorce or failure to repay a debt or (insert random sin here) are okay? No. This is not the way God intended for us to live our lives. In fact, these things happen as a consequence of sin. Sometimes it is because of something we did not do that we should have done, or vice versa. Other times it may be short-sighted decisions or just plain human error or weakness. Nonetheless, the curse of sin is at the root and if you go deep enough you will always find it. All sin is a result of us not living up to the standard. All sin has a payment. The payment is death. But God provided His son to pay our ransom. Our forgiveness from God is not about Him changing His mind and letting up on the punishment due to us. He DID NOT relent. The agony of not only the charges against us, but also the shame and regret that accompanies our wickedness and our failures fell on Jesus.

How dare we? How dare we?! Once we have received pardon from a God we did not seek, how dare we be so smug? We don’t have to accept sin, sweep it under the rug - or God forbid - pretend we have none. But we do need to have compassion and grace for the struggling souls around us. Yes, they are around. They just don’t say so because they know we can not wait to bite into their backs. They tremble to turn around, knowing they will be judged as they walk away.

Now, I can hear you asking: "Stacey, do you mean that we should ignore the overt sins of others and allow injustice to reign?" No, I do not. Scripture does not allow for that. Actually, that would not be a loving action to a poor soul drowning in defeat. Additionally, a true Christian will always be required and called back to repentance when there is an offense against God - even after the soul has been saved from eternal death. Pouring out of a love for God and a love for a poor sinning soul we ought to ache over the failures and pain in the lives of others. If all we can do is judge them and walk away...well, there is not a lot of love there. All I am saying is that there is not a sin I have ever committed that I hate more at this moment than the sin of hypocrisy. I hate it in me and I hate it in the church as a whole.

“God, please change us, and begin with me.”

COOKIES? WHAT COOKIES?

2009-05-13T07:29:00.000-07:00

One of Daniel's school assignments for today was to turn in an assessment of his diet. There is a very handy website for doing this here.With lots of health information, there are tools such as tracking devices for physical activity and nutritional information on one's food intake. It looked pretty interesting, so I did one for myself.

As I've mentioned before, I was once a Nutrition Nazi. But boy, have I resigned from that position! I am trying to get back on track (minus the Nazi part) but I was not too surprised that mine isn't perfect. It was an eye-opener, though. I am lacking considerably in vitamins A & C, also in Folate, Calcium, Iron, Potassium, Fiber and even one I have no clue about - Selenium. Not lacking in sodium. No sir. =(

Okay, folks, I eat wheat germ and yogurt every day. Still not enough folate or calcium. Do keep in mind, though, if you do one of these, that this only counts one day. There is an option to accumulate a history. However, my diet is so boring on weekdays that I eat many of the same foods every day.

I just thought I would share this site with you, because if you are a visual learner, like me, charts and graphs are helpful reminders. I am always a healthier eater when I am taking a health-related class, keeping a subscription to Prevention magazine, or posting charts...so this one will go on my refrigerator. Otherwise, I might live off chocolate, cookies and Skittles. It happens. Glad I didn't track one of those days!

WORD OF THE DAY: FASTIDIOUS

2009-05-12T13:31:00.000-07:00

The hardest part is getting started... ...but a couple of places got straightened at our house today. Yay!

Now I am getting frustrated with trying to upload a video...but I need to tend to dinner, so I'll be back.

LOOKIN' FOXY

2009-05-08T06:36:00.000-07:00

More stories from the wildlife sanctuary, AKA my neighborhood.

I am the type of girl who likes to let the animal kingdom do its thing and have the animal kingdom keep its distance while it does so. "Don't mess with me, I won't mess with you and we are friends." Well, the animals have not messed with me but I do have my feet propped up right now lest "something" should crawl out from under this desk, even if only in my little imagination.

On my way back into the alley way that leads to our garage I saw an animal run and jump back into the "jungle". It was kind of reddish and furry and at first I mused that it could be that bobcat I referred to yesterday. But bobcats aren't reddish so I decided I might have seen a red fox, which also are apparently indigenous to this area. I honestly wasn't close enough to it to tell but since I have to settle things in my mind in a black-and-white, dogmatic format I've chosen to believe it is a fox friend who will take care of the rodents who live in the pasture next door, should they decide to visit. Good grief.

Of course, if the fox doesn't get them I should again warn that our dogs have regular "viewing" services for the unfortunate squirrels who venture in through the fence - the slain lay in state on the patio right in front of the door so I can pay respects and pat the doggies on the head and try not to gag. Therefore, I pity the poor fool of a rodent...

But the fox was just the last surprise...

On my way OUT to the school I thought I saw an armadillo meandering down the alley. I know what armadillos look like and there are sand-filled holes in yards to show what they like to do. But when I came up beside it (and it was moving very
s-l-o-w-l-y) I realized it was a big fat snapping turtle. huh?! I had Dillon take a picture of it with Daniel so you could see how big it is.

"Mom, it has claws and fangs and everything." Actually, it has paddle-like arms and probably belongs in a lake? It definitely has a snappy beak but he was nice and didn't use it.

The sad part of this story is that as I was coming back down the highway beside our subdivision, I saw turtle headed for the highway. I just felt terrible since we've gotten to know each other pretty well now. I'm pretty sure he has made it to safety now. whew.

...I now open and close the garage door while I am still in the van with the doors closed. I'm not scared. I'm just, you know, careful. =D

photo of fox taken from Outdoor Alabama

MEOW?

2009-05-07T06:24:00.000-07:00

My six foot, 200 pound boy walked into the house a little disturbed last night right after dark. He's a pretty couragous mild-mannered young 'en but it seems he saw a couple of "demons" out back. Well, close anyway. Bobcats are freaky, especially when they look straight at you and run off making their unusual sounds. We're not positive they were bobcats, though. It could have been coyotes or foxes but by his description I'll put my bet on bobcats. No wonder our dogs' hair stands on end when they are going bonkers about anything that comes within a half mile of our house!

Just the fact that our neighbors have critter traps in the back of their house makes me keep my garage door sealed up tight. I have this fear of getting a rabid critter wandering around in there. But if they come into the yard...our dogs would love to have them for a late night snack. "Here, kitty kitty!"

*photo taken from National Geographic

WHY AM I STICKING TO THE FLOOR?

2009-05-05T05:57:00.000-07:00

I just finished my spring semester. Daniel has been working on several class projects plus make-up work from when he missed three days due to sickness and then two days for his band trip. (By the way, I have seen no harder math in college than what he is doing - why does he come to me for help. WHY?) Dillon and Sara have their usual work load, which is not so bad since their teachers really are efficient in class and do not send loads of work home to be done at night. However, it has taken only 2.5 days for our home to go from fresh and clean to, well, gross - hence the title of this post. We can usually make it until at least Thursday before it starts to fall apart. Oh, well.

Dillon couldn't even wear his new "Chuck Taylors" today because he had no clean jeans and "You just CAN'T wear high-tops with shorts, Mom!" What do I know? I wear gym clothes to class despite the fact that I am a grown-up. So What?! And for crying out loud I am walking through honey in my kitchen!That's the real travesty here but I suppose I should just go clean it instead of yapping about it, right? sigh. ...and wash some jeans?

I am looking forward to some extended time in the Word. Workouts are on the agenda, too (and OF COURSE, some cleaning). Sara and I exercised together yesterday and she made it all the way through while her mother huffed and puffed and complained about being out of shape. Needless to say, I need my quiet time and my pilates - not to mention some fresh blog material...

Over the weekend Daniel had a birthday. We took the family and a couple of his friends bowling and then to...where else? Dairy Queen for some of the cool stuff! (Uh Oh. Now I am seeing the connection between that "huffing and puffing" comment from the last paragraph.) You know I would have taken some fuzzy amateur photos of this fun event but my camera was not charged. I didn't even get a chance to get a picture with my thumb in the corner or anything!

Maybe after some time of refreshment I will come up with a thought-provoking post...Until then, good day to you!

**headed to kitchen to de-stickify stuff**

I TOTALLY HI-JACKED THIS POST FROM HEWY

2009-04-27T19:58:00.000-07:00

No Sleep in Helena Alabama : The Events of Helena Alabama: Bubbles, Band, & Bass in Helena

2009-04-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

BEYOND PICTURES

2009-04-26T14:58:00.000-07:00

Look where we went yesterday! Okay, never mind. I think the tree and power line instantly give it away...this is a picture taken at Liberty Park from a few weeks back.

The picture was one of a few from my phone and since I was using it at the Museum of Art yesterday I thought I'd share. ;-)

After the museum, we had our neighborhood block party. It's always fun to chat with the people we know and get to know some we haven't met. Then the ice cream truck comes and Mr. Ice Cream Man is the highlight of the night.

While in line with Sara,

I decided to be a dear and get a Dreamsicle for my man,

who is not feeling well. :(

(I promise I will get past the random pictures soon. Please be patient.)

I am doing an art research paper. Here are my two pieces.

A Dancing Headdress Frontlet of the Tlingit people of Southeastern Alaska
(1900-1925)
A Mask for Ekpo Society of the Ibibio people of Nigeria
(1900-1950)
Both are at the Birmingham Museum of Art

As Mark and I were browsing the museum, I said, "When you see my choices you will ask why I chose them." He assured me that he would not and that he thinks it is great that I chose things less likely to be researched. Well, you know what? When I walked up to it he asked, "THAT'S what you chose?" Why?" And the answer is: I am interested in the religious aspects of different cultures. Thank you for asking. ;)

As I'm sure you have noticed, I have taken a liking to posting pictures rather than writing very much. Are you all depressed about that? I know you are hanging on every word. *beware of sarcasm*

Well, let me shift subjects again.

This morning our pastor talked a little about our responsibility to take care of our bodies. (Not the sermon, but kind of a side note.) We all know this but need to be reminded sometimes. Personally, I turned in to a health food junkie a few years back. It happened after having some stomach and kidney problems. I just got tired of feeling bad so I began to eat healthier. I naturally lost a few pounds as I chose healthier foods and shunned others. In time my appreciation for healthy eating and exercise turned into a little bit of a problem for me. Don't get me wrong - I was very healthy and though I was thin I was not anorexic. But I sensed that my obsession (probably a stronger word than necessary) with eating healthy was too much a part of my thinking and even a source of pride. ouch. Without realizing it I had become a goody-two-shoes about it. So my body was healthy, I felt great, but I knew I needed to deal with my attitude.

I am still aware of what I eat, but slowly the pendulum has swung! I am now seeing that I have allowed unhealthy eating to creep back in and I am not feeding myself or my family purposefully healthy meals. My excuse is that I am tired and low on time but even I know that healthy eating can be done very easily.

Why am I even writing this? Well, I really want to get this right. I am setting a six week goal (something coming up in six weeks so it is a good tracking device) to swing back and maybe hit the middle!

Goals:
1) Add healthy options to every meal until I have squeezed out anything unnecessary.

2) Contemplate on what my body needs to do its many jobs.

3) Concentrate on my power foods:
grapefruit
blueberries
almonds
salmon
spinach
yogurt
wheat germ
olive oil
4)Enjoy the good provision of God's bounty.

That's all for now. I am off to pick up my boy from his band trip to Orlando! Yippee!

........................We're back and here he is

I have to go hear about some really awesome roller coasters. And a #1 National trophy! (We'.. talk about the tattoo later.)

THUS FAR

2009-04-23T16:08:00.002-07:00

This week...

~ I found out that two anti-virus programs running at once is not better than one. They can interfere with each other and slow down your computer. And...sometimes slimy viruses get in anyway - especially if you hate to update. Thankfully our favorite computer techs ousted that bastard and now we're up and running again. (I really don't think that critter has a daddy, okay?)

~ We had some "weather" on Sunday. I spent the time sketching a twirly light bulb for a school project. Daniel's school project. Glad when I can contribute. I was quite proud of myself.
Here was the soggy view of our street.

~ Sara skipped rocks...

~ I'm not even trying to create order as you can see. The truth is I am pretty tired. I waited until the last minute to pack a kid for a trip and the snafus, they just kept coming. But success came in the nick of time and every piece of music was filed, all forms signed and notarized, instrument repaired, so on and so forth. Finals are looming and the good old end of the year power lap is upon us. Exciting, and yet, tiring.

~ I want salmon. Macaroni Grill has the best. (That's a freebie. You'll thank me if you try it.)

I need hot tea, bubble bath, Bible, lots of quiet...let's chat some more later...

I HAVE A BED BUG

2009-04-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

In light of this news about these nasty little critters, I decided I must check my bed.

LOOK what I found!

I can't believe they are making such a fuss over these cute little bugs! Mine even has an adorable smile. See?

But being the skeptic that I am I sneaked up on this one just to see if it would attack...

No need to worry, good citizens! It proved to be friendly. See for yourself:

I am putting in an order for more!!

2009-04-12T15:51:00.000-07:00

First, some random pictures by a mama who really can't take pictures but has great subjects...and by the way, please ignore the haphazard way I throw these in until I figure out how to post them like I want them.

"Daniel, Dillon, Sara...their friend, Tyler...and lunch with Mama T and Grandaddy"

##################################

Hey, y'all. I have wanted to just sit down and veg with the little blog for a few days now but life has not allowed for that. Here I am, at last. Sometimes I have just one point to make and I weave my way through to ONE point...but this is not one of those posts. I want to ramble because this past week has just been a kind of weird one. Well, yeah, we do mix it up around here a lot anyway. That is just family life for most of us. But I guess I've just been a little more sensitive and maybe even...emotional?

Starting the week...
On Monday I began the week with some anxiety over the stall in progress in our home with kids learning to be self-starters. I mean, that is the goal, but on a more transparent note I would have been slap-happy if they were doing what I asked them to do, the first time I asked, if you get what I mean. I would have been willing to toss the self-starter part aside for a bit.

**I just cringe to think that I would paint my kids to be sloppy morons here, so just allow me to put the disclaimer out: We are very proud of them and support them in their academic pursuits, musical aspirations and physical abilities. Most of all we are thankful for the seedlings of faith that God has placed within them and the growth to which He has called them. We appreciate all of their efforts. There is an over-arching joy that comes with the priveledge it is to parent them and we are just plain proud of them, love them and enjoy them. Truly.**

Okay. But I just felt that we had really STALLED in the whole "letting go a day at a time so that they are ready for life" deal. Is it just me? Or does that throat-gripping, overwhelming anxiety over how close to the edge of the "nest" the child should be... just grab on out of the blue sometimes? It just snatched me by the jugular this week. So I went straight over into drill sargent mode. Then...

As the kids were getting ready for bed on Monday night I heard Dillon cry out so I stomped up the stairs to see who I needed to reprimand for not getting into bed already. As I ascended the stairs I demanded for Daniel to tell me "what is going on
up here...?!" His face looked pale as he told me Dillon was hurt. I walked into the bathroom and saw Dillon holding his head. Blood was gushing from his head, dripping off him, and as I noticed the trail behind him my heart turned to jell-o. The story in short: He ended up being just fine - after a couple of hours at Children's ER and 3 stitches. An ocarina (musical instrument, think Legend of Zelda)had made contact with his head in a situation where he hurt Daniel while trying to get his attention, and Daniel responded more forcefully than he had meant to. Who was more at fault? I didn't see it happen and they both took full responsibility for their own actions. I do not think that either of them meant for the other to really get hurt. They quickly sought the forgiveness of each other and Daniel and Sara comforted their brother...so after much conversation between the two of them and Mark and me it has been put to rest.

The remainder of the week found me still trying to find that balance. Too tough? Too easy? Expecting more than I should? Not enough? As I walked the other day, pondering these things with a heavy heart I remembered that I had cried as I bought crayons and glue when preparing to send Daniel to kindergarten. (BooHoo-ed like a baby in the school supplies. Ridiculous.) But then I rejoiced as I watched him grow...only to feel as though I was having the life choked out of me the day I walked in to the middle school to register him. And then moved on, thinking for the past 3 years that this is a perfect age. Was all of this - emotional turmoil - a subconscience reaction to the fact that he is about to be fourteen? Begin high school? That Dillon is off to middle school? Because Daniel is about to get his braces off? And Dillon is about to begin the process? And on and on the milestones go?

I think so. There is a push that we feel, knowing that our children must be ready. Nurturing and comforting the children is the natural thing to do. I want to shield them from harm, provide comforts and intervene where anything harsh might come near to them. I don't want them to feel pain. And hey, the possibilities for pain in this world are endless. But the process of nudging them away from the center of the "nest" occassionally becomes less subtle and we find ourselves having to push with more intesity than we feel comfortable doing - and quite frankly, it is sometimes just hell on a mother's heart. (Yes, I know dads feel it, too *and stepdads* but I am a mother and speak from that perspective.)

I want to throw the breaks on and just smell the flowers with them. I want them to leave their toys out because they are going to play awhile. Contrarily, I want to push them, try them and watch them advance into courageous young gentlemen warriors and a sweet little lady made of steel. I want to do BOTH for a long time. But sometimes I grasp for the balance...and my heart breaks into little tiny pieces...and then comes back together to love them more...

I hope that they are leaders, that they walk boldly in the Lord, being risk-takers for righteousness and contenders for justice. I hope they are fierce when they need to be fierce and that they are gentle when it is called for...

but can we just play in the sandbox today? I'll bring the juice boxes. :-D

MY BRAIN OVERRIDES MY LAZINESS

2009-04-03T06:46:00.000-07:00

I received this in one of those forwarded emails and thought it was kind of interesting.

Only great minds can read this
This is weird, but
interesting!

fi yuo cna
raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe
out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the
olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the
wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Are you weird, too? Yeah, that's why we are friends.

IT TURNED OUT SO WELL

2009-04-02T15:28:00.000-07:00

...thought I would share the instructions so you can enjoy it too.

1) Drive to Publix.
2) Locate freezer section. (If you are having trouble, look for someone wearing an apron. That usually indicates that they are an employee and can point you in the right direction.)
3) Select desired toppings on pizza.
4) Drive home. (Or walk, ride a bike, skip or however you best like to go to the store.)
5) Slide pizza into preheated oven.
6) Pretend you made your own dough and grew your own veggies. Flit around the kitchen like a domesticated diva. Nobody will ask if you bought the pizza from the freezer section.

You are so welcome. ;-)

2009-03-30T17:26:00.000-07:00

This picture was not supposed to be here. I wanted it later on...but again, folks, I am a BEGINNER

Just a catch up on what's been going down around here...

Friday - Mark and I took Daniel out to dinner and a concert at the Alabama Symphony Orchestra. The Great Leon Fleisher was there, playing Concerto for the Left Hand. It was amazing to see him rule the keys in a way that is beautiful for two hands, let alone one. Although the main reason we went to this particular concert is that Ravel's Bolero was performed (which is a favorite for Mark), Mr. Fleisher was a pleasant surprise. Daniel is playing dual instruments in band: clarinet for marching band and has now begun the oboe for concert band - so this was a treat for him, as well.

Saturday - Daniel joined Dillon and Sara with their grandmother, so Mark and I ate our usual Mexican cuisine and did the shopping and the cleaning. On Saturday night Mark shared some things from scripture with the kids and me. Thank the Lord for those moments when the light bulb just comes on in a kid...I was met at the bus stop this afternoon by a Bible-toting Dillon and a throng of kids with lots of questions. One of the neighborhood kids asked me what she needed to do to know Jesus. WOW! Now, we don't teach the kids to walk around with a Bible under their arm telling everyone they are going to hell, but I am thankful to see that he wants to share with others what is special to him - and he is learning.

Sunday - As usual, a great sermon from our pastor - then I studied while Mark napped. Sunday night Mark and I watched a movie and had dinner in the living room (SHHH. Don't tell the kids!!)

Today - skipped out on a class for a doctor's visit, paid bills, made dinner... okay, well, I'll give it a rest now. :)

Have a wonderful week! Shalom.

SOS, Shutterbugs!

2009-03-30T12:51:00.000-07:00

While toying with my profile picture on Twitter, I discovered that my pictures are "too big" to fit. How can I make a picture small enough? I fancied adding this one that Dillon took of my flowers...because I am having trouble being "okay" with a picture of myself at the moment...maybe I will work through this issue soon. :-)

STACEY TOOK A PICTURE

2009-03-26T20:54:00.000-07:00

My first attempt to post pictures:

These are some random shots of sunny days, planting flowers and then a sneak peak at what Mr. Tumnus does to me during a monsoon. Does he go to his doghouse? NO. He sits at the back door and looks at me like that. And he whines. Anyway, I have been so busy I have not gotten some really good pictures of the kids, yet. I do love them far more than my dogs or flowers for the record. I am just so tired this week and I want to mess around with this and don't really have time. So I give you this:

Oh, and by the way. The pine cone and the bamboo with flowers? Art class. I know you are jealous that I can be SO creative.

OH, SNAP!

2009-03-15T17:34:00.000-07:00

I'm learning how to operate this handy new camera Mark bought me yesterday. I talk a lot about how I hate technology...and you know what that really means, right? Simply that I just do not like to stop what I am doing long enough to learn how to do it. It takes time. TIME! I'll tell you what I do want to do, though...I want to take lots of pictures of my fabulous kids as they grow before my very eyes. And when I get this thing down...y'all can expect some good-lookin' young 'ens to be popping up here on the ol' bloggy! *whistles* As for now I am operating on the easy setting. Is that terrible?

FULL-TIME ALL-CONSUMING BEST JOB EVER

2009-03-10T07:00:00.000-07:00

Slapped alarm clock. Walked downstairs with eyes closed. Made coffee. Dried gym clothes for eldest son. Assessed middle son's condition: still too sick to go to school. Took little girl to bus, after sending her back inside to brush teeth. Drove eldest to school. Caught up on phone calls and paper work. (Yeah, right.) Made arrangements for sick boy while I attended class. Returned home from school. Drove half hour to spend money at music store. Everything I needed out of stock. Came home to get sick boy to take to doctor. Home again to pick up eldest boy to drive to inconvenient location through rush hour to get to honor band tryouts. Home again. Fitness walked for half hour. Wondered how to process the extra daylight hour. Went back to retrieve eldest. Listened to 3 children disagree about dinner. Intervened. Decided on chicken and if you don't want it don't eat it. They ate it. Purchased supplies for school project. Broke up squabbling about...what was it, now? Washed little girl's hair. Demanded boys to get showers quickly. Prayers. Lights out. Thanked God I get to do this because it is what I love. :-)

That was yesterday.

Today: Slapped alarm clock. Walked downstairs with eyes closed. Made coffee. Dried eldest's favorite jeans........

LET'S HEAR IT FOR SPECTACULAR SINS

2009-03-01T11:42:00.000-08:00

At just this time last Sunday, a precious family in our church was surrounding their four year old little girl, holding her as she passed from this life. In light of this, I have never seen such an outpouring of love to match the sincere hearts that make up our church family. God has taken this famly through a tragic journey and brought glory to His name, as He always does whether we acknowledge it or not. These parents and their two sons are accepting their daughter's and sister's life and death as a great gift of the sovereign Lord. The service on Friday was just a testimony of this. Our Father received worship as hearts were full of grief and trust.

...As for last week, it seemed to be one of those weeks for me; I'll just refer to it as a "Charlie Brown" week. You know how it is when no matter what you do, you are a "day late and a dollar short", misunderstood and just plain confused? Having sicknesses that just hit one kid here and another there...trying to get it all done in the midst of taking care of stomach viruses, broken glasses and you name it. It was also the first time I have ever had a professor actually give out part of a midterm exam on a review day - two days before the scheduled exam...and ironically a day my girl was throwing up all day so I missed it. THAT kind of week.

I am just so thankful for the grace of God even in times like that. On Friday night, Mark and I had our nice little take-out dinner in the kitchen, while Daniel battled a virus on the couch. Poor kid. Thankfully they are all well now (and at the same time!) and with a touch of cabin fever decided to go to visit the grandparents. SO...Mark and I were able to pull out our books we were wanting to read (I just got Spectacular Sins, John Piper yesterday - and he got a couple of good ones, too) and stay in and watch the beautiful snow fall from INSIDE where it is DRY and WARM. :-) Meanwhile I'm sure the kids are tracking up Nana's floor with melted snow as they run in and out and play. Grandparents: thank You, Lord. As I said, it was a long week.

DROPPING CLASSES AND KICKING SOME YAH-YAH MONSTER BOOTY

2009-02-23T13:02:00.000-08:00

I am just going to skip right over my usual introduction...you know the one, where I explain that I really don't have time to update, but here goes nothing? Yeah, that one. Because if you know me you already know that I run at break-neck speed on most days and I think everyone I know does the same thing.

So...today I did something that I've never done. Something that just made me very uncomfortable and disappointed, something I hope never happens again, something that I am so relieved about now: I dropped a class. PHYSICS. I don't like that it won. However, being that Math is my major weak point anyway and the fact that I began the semester with an illness that was thankfully short-lived but meant I missed some classes, it only made sense for me to gird up any dignity I had left and bow out graciously, if possible. The result is that I am better able to tend to my education courses (specifically, Teaching of Reading and Child Development). I also have an art history class that is kind of interesting, but well, you know.

On to other news, we are putting a laser beam on the Yah-Yah Monster in our home. The Yah-Yah Monster, you ask? Okay, you asked for it.

"STOP! Go somewhere else to play your guitar. You stink anyway. It's MY turn to play the computer, to sit up front...that's MINE, those are MINE. Get away from me. Don't touch me. Your friends are stupid." Need I demonstrate further? These are words generated when the Yah-Yah Monster is around. What it sounds like in my ears is yah-yah-yah-yah... The source of this grating sound almost seems to be coming from my children! It looks like my precious babies and even sounds like them! It couldn't be though, could it? ;-)

Yeah, we do always strive for peace around here, but sometimes we regress and have to take the "bull (monster) by the horns" in a concentrated manner. What I have noticed is that anytime I need to address an issue of the heart, or even actions, of my erring children, God opens my eyes to see where I am going astray in that same area. hm. ouchie. He has let me see some things about myself in a new way and I am so glad because I don't want Him to allow me to go on acting like a heathen any more than I want my kids to be ignorant.

It is SO SO SO important for us to build each other up in the Lord. The very least of His command regarding this is to refrain from harming each other; but that is not all of it. We are then to take the next step to edify each other. One of the stinging rebukes I heard for myself is that I should be actively looking out for the best to come to others - to advocate, hope, pray and put others at an advantage. That is not simply for me to avoid harming someone, but that if I see a way they can be helped in a situation, I am to take action. I tend to stay to myself, with my family or maybe just a close friend. I am rather introverted and feel most comfortable being a "wallflower". I am curious about people and love to "people-watch" but don't necessarily involve myself outside my own little world very much. It even makes me tired to be around a lot of people for a long time.

I don't think that I am being called specifically to run out into the world and jump into everybody's business. But I do see some ways that I tend to turn my head and allow injustice to land around me rather than to take the opportunity to build up another. Sometimes that injustice is my own stupid words that point out how far my heart is from loving.

When the Yah-Yah Monster isn't around it should sound more like this: "Come on in! Why don't you play your guitar in here? You are doing well and I like to hear it. Your jokes are funny. May I play the computer after you, would you like to sit up front...that's mine, but I want you to have it, those are mine but you may borrow them. Let's play. How about a hug, knuckle bump or pat on the back? Your friends are pretty cool."

DO THE NEXT THING

2009-02-19T07:01:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's devotional from My Utmost For His Highest by Oswald Chambers was particularly loud to my heart:

"Rise, let us be going."
~~Matthew 26:46

"The disciples went to sleep when they sould have kept awake, and when they realized what they had done it produced despair. The sense of the irreparable is apt to make us despair, and we say - "It is all up now, it is no use trying anymore." If we imagine that this kind of despair is exceptional, we are mistaken, it is a very ordinary human experience. Whenever we realize that we have not done that which we had a magnificent opportunity of doing, when we are apt to sink into despair; and Jesus Christ comes and says- "Sleep on now, that opportunity is lost forever, you cannot alter it, but arise and go to the NEXT THING." Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ, and go out into the IRRESISTABLE future with Him.

There are experiences like this in each of our lives. We are in despair, the despair that comes from actualities, and we cannot lift ourselves out of it. The disciple in this instance had done a downright unforgivable thing; they had gone to sleep instead of watching with Jesus, but He came with a spiritual initiative against their despair and said - "Arise and do the next thing." If we are inspired of God, what is the next thing? To trust Him absolutely and to pray on the ground of His Redemption.

Never let the sense of failure corrupt your new action."

When I first began blogging over a year ago, I named my blog "Keep Going". This was the first thing that popped into my head because that is my life. I just have to keep going ~ despite my failure
~ because of His victory.

But then a few months ago I came to my blog and thought, "Keep going?" Maybe that is my problem. I just stubbornly keep going. There are people I keep trying to please. There are relationships I just refuse to give up on. There are possiblilities worth going after. But I'm tired. I no longer want to keep going. I want to "QUIT". I'm tired of being misunderstood. Rejection hurts and slander quite frankly makes me mad. And you know, there are times when qitting is the right thing to do.

Well? How do I wrap this in a neat package and put a cute bow on it?

I am still learning, by God's grace, WHAT to "Keep Going" after and what I need to "QUIT".

It all seems to come down to
1) Draw near to Him and learn what His desires are,
2) Seek to be the best wife I can be by His grace,
3) Seek to be the best mother I can be by His grace,
4) Be faithful to His word
5) Have nothing to lose.

This last one is tough. But you know, as long as you are concerned with what people think of you, or what you might lose in order to seek Him in ALL things, you will be willing to deny full obedience when God's will opposes. I know this all too well. And don't think for a minute that I am claiming to be where I need to be with this. It will most definitely be a fight until my full sanctification transpires.

Until then I will KEEP GOING and QUIT every day.

QUICK! BEFORE I START DROOLING...

2009-02-15T18:51:00.000-08:00

This will be a rough ride...if you choose to read anyway, then bless your heart. I just mean that I don't have time to make my writing pretty, but I think it's time for me to stop apologizing and explaining because you already know that. :-)

About school:

Efficiency is key. It gets bumpy sometimes trying to scrounge up enough time to study. By the grace of God I always end the semester on the Dean's list...but only after I have sweated. Let's talk about math and science courses. I ALWAYS bomb the first test. That leaves me with my back against the wall for the rest of the semester. That makes the semester kind of long when there is no room for error so early along. I have three maths down and two to go. I am only required to take three lab sciences, of which I have already taken Biology and Chemistry. Now I am taking Physics. Have I bombed the first exam? You bet. Am I sweating? Uh huh.

On the other hand, my education courses are interesting and fun. I enjoy them. The catch is that they simply require time. That seems fair enough. I am SO ready to get done with these straggling core curriculum requirements so I can focus on the main reason I am there, and have the time to streamline.

Now before anyone starts to think that I do not place enough value on a well-rounded education...okay, so I probably don't right at this moment when I can not see the forest for the trees. Not at age 33, when I am serving my family and really wanting to get to the point of teaching. Forgive me for being too practical for my own good. In short, I am tired of spending so much precious time fretting over the things that are sometimes interesting, but usually just downright worthless as it pertains to my goals in life. But yes, I do know that I have to make my way through these seemingly pointless studies in order to be a certified educator, which makes them, um, necessary after all. And in my more honest and sane moments, I am forced to admit that at least some good things come out of each class.

Moving on...

The weekend:

Nice. On Friday, Sara and I received a dozen roses each from Mark for Valentines Day. AWWW. I think it is sweet when he gets me roses, but he really racked up the points when he sent them to Sara too. We had our date night out on Friday. At one of our favorite usual restaurants, we had the waitress who is so apologetic for everything that she makes us nervous. Bless her heart. If she were to drop something I think she would pass out.

Then...shrubs trimmed, lawn fertilized, groceries bought, closets cleaned, taxes done, etc., etc. The man was on the ball.

Saturday night in between all the cleaning, we had dinner at home, the boys played their various musical instruments for us and Mark did a devotional for the family. I'm getting kind of tired writing this! I have studied most of the day and need to study more so I'd better get away from this computer. (I need to study. We all know what that means: in 3.5 seconds I will be drooling on my pillow.)

HAVE A GREAT WEEK, PRECIOUS FAMILY AND FRIENDS!

PREPOSTEROUS, HIGHHANDED AND JUST PLAIN WRONG

2009-02-08T16:21:00.001-08:00

Mark just heard someone compare the amount of money proposed to be spent in this "stimulus" package. He computed it and confirmed it is true.

If you spent $1 MILION dollars EVERY DAY since the day Jesus was born, until TODAY, it would not add up to NEARLY AS MUCH money as our president is determined to spend. I can't fathom that. $920 BILLION.

"The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender." ~Proverbs 22:7

Not including interest this would be paid off in the year 2520.

Do you KNOW where this money is coming from, where it is going and how it will be spent?!

NOT GOOD.

Yeah, it's a new day, alright.

WHAT'S IN THIS CANNELLONI ANYWAY?

2009-02-01T19:42:00.000-08:00

If I waited until I had the time and energy to do a blog justice, I would rarely post. But I like to talk to my little bloggy so I am going to pop in for a moment. ;-)

Between my classes, Mark's work, parenting and all the wonderful blessings for which we have been made stewards, we were kind of needing to bring everything to a screeching halt and just get away from the routine. No time for a vacation just yet so we improvised and made arrangements for a local get-a-way while the kiddos spent some time at PawPaw and Nana's.

A nice hike through Liberty Park...a soak in the jacuzzi...aaah. Toward the end of the mighty tasty chicken cannelloni, however, I began losing concentration on the excellent conversation due to the fact that the entire restaurant was spinning. Yes, spinning. And no, I had not gotten sloppy drunk or anything. I hoped it would just go away if I ignored it (why doesn't that ever work?), but the next thing I knew I was asking Mark if he could lead me to the restroom. Vomiting was not exactly on my agenda for the evening; nonetheless, it quickly proved to be a winning contender for the wrap-up of the night. Thankfully after a few hours of wild dreams and the body temperature of a blazing furnace I woke up much better and enjoyed the rest of the weekend.

(Don't ask me. I have quit trying to explain my quirky self.)

Today we were blessed by the Word and also good fellowship/lunch with church family. We were additionally privileged to take part in communion this evening. Afterwards our family did what is only right...went to DQ for blizzards. Mark and I needed to "gently" remind and encourage the kids to take out the slack in their responsibilities around the house and going out for ice cream helps to seal the deal. Maybe our world leaders could work out some peace deals if they would have discussions at Dairy Queen more often. It works for us.

Well, we have a busy week ahead...and I am already about 3 days behind on my verse memorization. My goal is to memorize Psalm 119 this year. I learn 4 verses per week. I am not a memorization queen, but the way that this psalm is ordered - 2 line verses - makes it easier than most to take in. Although the form is easy, I have to say that the meaning is very rich and I am thoroughly enjoying it. So I'd better get at it now.

I also have schoolwork to do... *yawn* but I'm actually very sleepy. ;)

Peace out.

WHAT'S MY POINT?

2009-01-30T13:03:00.000-08:00

Excited about a fun, fun weekend. :)

Brain not working well today.

Went to class. Professor challenged us to a physics problem and said to raise our hands when we got it. I raised my hand and said, "Wha...?" My brain was not even present. This is an easy class (for anyone who can add 2+2 without a calculator. I have a big daddy graphing utility and without it I wouldn't bother to go to class - security blanket for real) but my expression still probably looks like I am in pain. Glad I just took calculus and finite math. Without them I would REALLY be lost.

Went to the mall to pick up contacts. Browsed Belk and remembered how much I hate trying to pick out things for myself. Why does everything look like maternity clothes these days? I mean I have gained 15 pounds but I still want the fabric to make contact with some part of my body.

Ready for spring break. Miss the beach.

Too lazy to make complete sentences.

Gotta get moving again.

Have a GREAT weekend, everyone!!

SIBLING RIVALRY

2009-01-27T20:55:00.000-08:00

Not much time but had a few thoughts anyway... ;)

Walking and praying today...My mind came back to the fact that we have communion coming up and we are to examine ourselves for the cup...one of the reminders for us as we prepare was that we may not eat and drink knowing that we have anything against another member in the Body. I thought, "I'll bet that is the ultimate sin, outside of unbelief - to be in default of the love owed another Christian." It is, of course, the way that Jesus said the world would know we are His. Our love for each other is an overflow of the love He pours out on us and we are lying if we say we love Him, but do not love our eternal family.

But then, it occurred to me that the absence of love in the heart for someone IS ALSO unbelief. Do I believe God can and will be the ultimate Father to His children? Will He not deal with His own? We can stop fretting if someone has wronged us because He knows about it and will do all things for His glory and our good. He will handle it in a way that is far superior than anything we would come up with. And if it seems that He is being too kind and merciful to them...be glad!! ...because it is that mercy and grace that we all receive.

THAT IS A FIRM GRIP YOU HAVE THERE, LORD

2009-01-22T14:00:00.001-08:00

I only have a minute before I have to pick Daniel up from practice...but I'm just thinking about ::::::

I love new beginnings. Conversions, new opportunities, growth, milestones, etc. Just like the new year and all the wondering about what the year will hold...if it has been a rough one, hope of a new start...if it has been a good one, hope it will only get better...new resolutions that if you fail even half the time, you also grow because you get it right the other half.

What happens when you feel like you keep getting backhanded? I mean, we want a GOOD year, huh?

For 2009 I prayed God would show me the things in my life that hinder my relationship with Him. That I want to grow in His word and in fellowship with Him. That I want to serve the Body of Christ, to learn what it is to be a friend, to honor Mark and surrender my mothering to Him. I want to be a testimony of Light on my college campus and in my neighborhood.

Guess what? Sanctification hurts. The remnant of self that I am so inclined to worship is "attached". It has to be torn away.

I'm sorry if I sound gloomy. I want to post funny stories and laugh my head off with my sisters in Christ. Believe me, I do. Ironically, I am full of joy, I am aware of how blessed I am; but at the same time, there is a strong battle going on underneath the surface. Am I willing to allow Him to have His perfect way and to abolish the strongholds to reveal surrendered ground?

I'm in too deep to turn back now...and I am so glad He has a divine grip on me that He will never release!

THE RIVETING PLAY BY PLAY

2009-01-18T19:08:00.000-08:00

Okay. So this past week I was wretchedly sick. Really high fever, nausea and lots of pain hit all at once. We found out it was a severe kidney infection and all is better now. (If you are wondering, you should probably go to the doctor before the temp reaches 104 degrees, but I'll warn you, it will happen very fast.)

Our wonderful church family helped so much. I was humbled to allow a sweet lady to come to my house (which was strewn with toys), see me in my rattiest jammies and in need of a shower, and take me to the doctor while I moaned and writhed in pain. Following were meals from other ladies and boy, was I thankful - even more so were my children who did not starve.

Of course my sweet mama brough Gatorade and Sprite and felt terrible that she missed Mark's call, but we know God works all things in a way that glorifies Him and works for our good. It is hard to understand that when all of this happened while Mark was out of town, Daniel had preparations for another honor band audition and I was due back for my first week of classes, but if nothing else I know I was humbled BECAUSE of those reasons - and that is good.

It is hard to be needy. Though I AM needy I try to find every way not to be in need before I will accept help. It's called pride, I know.

I don't like it when the teacher sends my child to the office for a hole in his jeans on the one morning I couldn't oversee the getting-
ready-for-school-thing. I don't like it that Daniel got into trouble for missing an early morning band rehearsal even though he could not help it and he has a record of being present and on time. I don't like that I missed an orthodontist appointment that I never even canceled. I don't like for people to see my living room floor with toys all over it when I can't pick them up and the kids are not there to do it. (in Daniel's defense, he cleaned even though it was not his mess - he was a very good help) I don't like for anyone to see me without eyebrows and "done" hair.

And I REALLY don't like to miss the first classes of the semester! I don't like to not have all my books in advance - especially when I know there is only ONE copy left on the shelf and I can't get to it. I don't like being mentally confused and totally doped up so that I wonder if I am losing my mind and I can't remember where I live.

~sigh~

"It is good for me that I have been afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes." ~Psalm 119:71

I was reminded once again this week that every grace and every comfort that comes to me is His hand of love and mercy. It is not that I suffered this past week with pain and sickness, but the wonder is that I was surrounded by loving people, medicine was available, just when I was completely dehydrated I had a stock of Gatorade in my kitchen, my son took charge and helped his siblings to take care of themselves and get to school and home again, my husband went over my head to make sure I received good care, I have a serving church family who also prayed for me, I have a comfortable home to rest in and oh, yeah, the softest bed with a very fluffy goose down comforter!!! I could go on but you get the picture...

So I will stop here with the play by play of my little episode.

Thoughts on I PETER

2009-01-11T17:39:00.000-08:00

I'm catching up on some reading today. I just wanted to make some notes about it.

I Peter 2:1 ~~"Therefore, laying aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking, as newborn babes, desire the pure milk of the word, that you may grow thereby, if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious."

I Peter 4:7 ~~"But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers. And above all things have fervent love for one another, for 'love will cover a multitude of sins'."

You know, I don't do too well with the external show of religion. As much as I hate hypocrisy, the times arise where I do something that is an act of obedience to the Lord, trusting that the heart will follow. So often it happens that way. Then there are also times that my heart is far from the truth but I do the outward act just to puff up my own pride. But I even falter on the outward action very often, regardless of whether I am putting on a show or simply trying to do the right thing despite my wicked heart.

This is why these verses from I Peter are so scary. If I falter in making a show, HOW can I ever do what is really commanded here? These are matters of the heart, mind and soul. The flesh can be a bear to deal with, but the heart...

Peter didn't say "fake it 'til you make it". I can't just act like I am laying these things down. I either do or I don't. Even the one about evil speaking can be a doozy. Just because we are not saying it with our mouths, well, what about our thoughts? If we think it then we are saying it to ourselves. And of course if we hate someone in our minds it will come out in our attitudes. Human nature wants the full expression of every sin. Without the restraining Hand of God every hateful thought would end in murder and every lustful look would end in immorality, and on and on. So yes, it does matter if we even just think it...

Obedience does bring peace and I do not mean to sound as though Christ is a hard taskmaster. He gives liberty to obey, grace to follow through and peace as a result. My sin nature is the slave driver, with Satan and his twerps to snap at my heels and misery as a result.

I am taking advantage of the new beginning of a new year. Bible memorization, reading through the Bible, aiming for a more organized prayer relationship are all in place. Indeed, these are very important disciplines. What I desperately need is more grace to find my longing and satisfaction in God in such fullness that my heart wants more and more of what He wants...and less and less of the grotesque sludge of which my old nature finds lurking.

To truly lay these down and to be brought quickly to repentance and restoration when I fall; to rest in His grace, mercy and love - these are the things that come to my mind as I read I Peter.

Memorization for the Week

2009-01-11T10:14:00.000-08:00

"Oh that my ways were directed to keep Your statutes! Then I would not be ashamed, when I look into all Your commandments. I will praise You with uprightness of heart, when I learn Your righteous judgments. I will keep Your statutes; Oh, do not forsake me utterly!" ~~Psalm 119: 5-8

BECAUSE GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION

2009-01-05T10:41:00.000-08:00

Remember on the movie It's a Wonderful Life when George Bailey prays for God to help him and a minute later he gets punched in the face? He says, "that's what I get for praying."?

Ever feel that way? Oh, me neither, I just wondered if you did so I could pull out some really clever advice for you. Okay, not really. I know this is a lie from Satan, but this is my refrain right now.

It happens often. It happens to anyone who might want to follow after God. You spend time in heartfelt prayer, meditation and bible reading. Your cold heart is stirred. You ask for repentance and grace. You walk away with a song on your lips and

BAM.

That kick right to the facial region never gets any easier to take.

And in the pain you blow it. You feel worn out and defeated. AGAIN. You angrily shout there's no use trying. But you know better.

Because there is nothing left if you give up.

(dfn) BLOG:

2009-01-04T12:33:00.000-08:00

What is a blog? Well, I know it is a weblog. I know what people do on blogs and I have toyed with this one for over a year. But what is the purpose of a blog? hmm. I suppose every blogger has contemplated this and many know who their target audience is and how they benefit from their own writing.

While reading over some of Jonathan Edwards writings on Saturday, I asked Mark if he thinks Mr. Edwards' diary was written in complete translucency, or if he held back because he thought they would likely be published someday. I really like to read the diaries/journals of those saints who have walked ahead of us. Personal testimonies alongside biblical doctrine is very helpful. I find myself encouraged when I see that these same ones who lived lives desirous for God's glory, who pleaded with God to "rend the heavens" and "come down" (Isaiah 64:1), who crossed the finish line to hear the words "well done, good and faithful servant" (Matthew 25:21), were also the ones writing about their own temptations, sinfulness and heartache.

Outside of the Bible, the writings and sermons of those great men such as George Muller, Charles Spurgeon, St. Aurelius Augustine, Martin Luther and John Calvin have been my best sources of encouragement in my own walk. Of course I can't skip D.L. Moody, the founder of the ministry that reaches me every day through wonderful teachers like Nancy Leigh Demoss. Recently, the writings of Octavious Winslow, Thomas Brooks and John Owen have been like an IV to my spiritual renewal. (I am making a mess right now pulling these gems off the shelves to look at them while I type. Excuse me, but they are my big brothers!)

Back up...beep, beep... So why do I blog? I think writing is therapeutic to me...it helps me focus and keep track of my journey...much like a personal diary would, but of course there are things I can't share on this site as I do in the leather bound journal by my bed or the tattered notebook that was a school notebook until it became my prayer journal. This public site is a venue whereby I speak to myself and anticipate that others are going to overhear my words I suppose. I hope it is a help to someone along the way. It is tempting to try to make myself look WAY better than I am. But that is pointless. Friendships that are formed through blogging are a blessing for sure. True fellowship does not happen when people are too full of themselves to allow others to see that they don't have it all together all the time (or none of the time, as the case is with me).

I think where I am going with this is that if I expect other people to be authentic, like the people of those journals I read, then I ought to be real, too. Whether or not they "cleaned up" their experiences over anxiety of others reading their personal writings, I don't know. I just know that they encourage me to live simply and a life of no pretending is simple. (I didn't say easy; I said simple!!) And just because my life will not affect the masses of lives that theirs have and do, God may be pleased to touch the few around me - and I don't want to be so busy posturing that I foul up an opportunity to be helpful. I have fouled up enough.

I was going through some papers a while back and found a prayer I had written some time ago. As I began reading it my heart was warmed at what fervor I was praying for some specific things. I recalled that I had been fasting during the time of the prayer. I think I may have even sensed some pride in my own sincerity and humility. ;-) I came to the bottom of the page and started to think...wait a minute, this was written during a time that I was struggling with a great sin! Not just struggling but completely overtaken! I said, "That written prayer could have led a person to believe I was a great woman of the Lord...if that person did not know I was in the depths of an adulterous affair." Even I had allowed myself to deceive me. Scary, isn't it?

The purpose of this blog is not to air my dirty laundry, but I do desire to "be real" with a big dose of discretion. It is a tough balance but one I want to practice going into this new year.

****Big shift in subject: We watched Prince Caspian last night. If you haven't seen it yet, watch it. It is so good - just as good as The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe...I get goosebumps every time Aslan roars - and I cry. Mark doesn't cry; his allergies do act up when he watches it, though. hee hee.****

I am working on my new year's resolutions. Most of you who read this blog must be kind of timid because you do not comment, and that is okay!...-but feel free to share a resolution! (James 5:16)

BREAK IT DOWN NOW!

2008-12-28T19:22:00.000-08:00

I am busy really relaxing, reading, cooking and watching the kids play. It is so rare that I just sit and watch them. Outside of
{{{Rock Band}}}, they received things that keep them active - mind and body, which is what we aim for. (I'm on vacation - I'll end a sentence with any old part of speech.)

Sara learned a new song on the piano this week, Daniel has begun the banjo, Dillon is still on guitar...Daniel has kept up his clarinet practice and will be starting Oboe soon, they kind of share the bass guitar...so it is pretty musical all the time here and I LOVE it. I can play nothing. I even stink at the recorder. The boys also play the occarina! Dillon plays the harmonica...as I said, I play NOTHING. All I've got is a little rhythm so I just break it down occasionally.

I really just hopped on here because I couldn't stand knowing there was a griping Christmas post left up so now I am rambling. I am going to call it a night. I hope you had a peaceful Christmas and that you are abiding in His peace!!

WANT A MERRY CHRISTMAS?

2008-12-21T18:30:00.000-08:00

Here we are - it is the week of Christmas. I just have an observation. Nope, no soapbox, just an innocent teen weeny little...um, annoyance? No, that can't be the word I'm looking for because "love is not easily offended"... well, its just an observation. Yeah, that was the right word after all.

It seems that every news cast, commercial, internet teaser or magazine cover I have seen since Thanksgiving has included at least some token pop-culture advice on how to handle the ginormous stress that comes with the holidays. Really?! Must we assume a holiday = hair pulling, teeth grinding nuisances? Well, okay, so because we live in a fallen world, our family members are fallen and WE are fallen people, there may be some conflict. I realize there are some who are going through grief of major losses and so forth, which would be painful anyway, and highlighted by the expectations and perceptions of nostalgic views of twinkling lights and a new Audi (why did I use that car as an example...I love my minivan, I really do). ;-)

Heartache that comes from living in a world groaning with the expectation of the return of our Savior notwithstanding...WHY are we stressed over Christmas?! Christians are bent out of shape that those who do not wish to participate in eternal bliss won't say "Merry Christmas". But then what do we do? We totally miss the peace that He came to bring and trade it in for stuff. If we really thought Christmas was about Christ we would spend no time getting ourselves worked up over who is visiting whom or how many toys our kids will get or whose turn it is to make the turkey! Our hearts would break for those souls who balk at a celebration of God condescending to us in the form of a man.

I am not trying to say that the traditions we enjoy with our family and friends are useless or wrong. I really do believe that it is a grace from God that we have them. I know that many people do embrace the Christmas season as a time of focused reflection on Christ and also fellowship with family - and that loving preparations for hospitality has the potential for making one tired. But come on! The media has convinced us that we should be stressed. And I don't like that.

Mark has begun to wince when someone asks us if we are done with our shopping, because he knows it is a little pet peeve of mine! I know people make small talk this way. I know, I know! And when someone asks if we are ready for Christmas they are really asking if we have made plans and are prepared with adequate gifts and the big meal to go with it. They certainly mean no harm. But each time I am asked it makes me a little more sad that THAT is all Christmas is to the same ones who cluck their tongues at unbelievers for not celebrating as a believer.

I recognize the step up on my soapbox has occurred. sigh. Just let me encourage you who read this post to PLEASE get alone with Jesus sometime this season and just worship HIM. Tell Him you are glad He came and took upon Himself all the wrath that was yours and mine to suffer. Ask Him to search you and take away the things that hinder your love to Him. Ask Him to receive you as His own if you never have. Surrender to Him and know peace, love, rest and joy. Just meditate upon Him, weep if you want to, even if it is all you can do. Just lay your tired, stressed self at His feet and let Him do what only He can do. You will have a Merry Christmas!

GRACE - FILLED TESTIMONY

2008-12-18T06:22:00.000-08:00

Listen to Kay Arthur's testimony on
Revive Our Hearts.

From the website ~~

**Not all things are good, but because God is sovereign and we belong to Him, He’s transforming us into the image of Christ. He’s going to make it work together for good.

**Remember that God has forgiven all of our sins—past, present, and future. We either live in misery with our failures or live in grace, remembering that God has redeemed everything.

**God specializes in taking tangled, messed-up lives and making something beautiful that will bring Him glory. There are no messes that God cannot redeem by His grace.

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF A MOTHER OF THREE

2008-12-17T20:09:00.000-08:00

Today I caved on my resolve to clean up my diet. I made cinnamon rolls for the kids' after school snack and I guess I thought I deserved one. I was a nutrition nazi before I started back to school...time to come out of denial about those ice cream breaks during middle of the night while studying...and lunch from the vending machine...

Today I forgot to pick up Dillon at Chess Club. To my credit I was only five minutes late, but still - I hate that feeling! I was standing in the kitchen listening to Sara and her friend try to convince me that we need another dog. (no way) I asked where Dillon was since he had not come home from the bus yet. "Oh he is probably talking to Chandler." Yeah, they dawdle a lot on the way home (but from my kitchen window I can see to the end of the street). Looking intently out the window, I finally asked if anyone actually saw him get off the bus. NO? OHHH, NOOO! **runs to garage with no shoes on and iced tea in hand**

Today I made three trips to one school and one trip to the other. Sleeping in until 6 AM was just too much of a temptation, so I just took them to school instead of getting them to the bus much earlier. Later, as I stepped into a glorious bath, the phone rang..."Stacey, Sara has spilled milk on her pants..." Okay, so I took more pants to the school. Then I've already mentioned the Chess Club thing. No problem - If I can wear my robe to the bus stop on some mornings then I can go to the school with wet hair, right?

Today I talked myself out of shopping. I don't like shopping. There. I said it and I am no less woman. **sticks out tongue**

Today I went for a walk and midway through the neighborhood it began to rain. Then Sara called to ask again about the puppy. So I gave up on the exercise and came home. Mark called. "I just got a call from the home number. Is everybody okay?" I said, "Yes. Be warned - Sara is calling to ask for a dog." HAHA. (no way)

Tonight Daniel taught us all how to make some really awesome snowflakes. We had a great time, listening to music, goofing off and even dancing. There are shreds of paper in the floor and now the dinner dishes are still waiting. But Daniel thanked me for chillin' with them, Dillon and Sara told me it was really fun and I am one happy, blessed mom!

Good night!